Perhaps Love
by SunLight
Summary: Sometimes she wonders if he loves light only because he hates darkness. Two lovers navigate the intricacies of a relationship they once thought they understood.
1. Early Winter

_**Introduction**_

_For those of you who read __Once Upon a Fairy Tale__, this is another story in my so-called Perhaps Universe, i.e. a way for a diehard Takari shipper like me to come to terms with the Adventure 02 epilogue and see how it can coexist with Takari._

_You can view this story as another version of __Once Upon a Fairy Tale__, though this one has been much harder to write, and it didn't help that my computer caught a virus so I lost the first draft of __Perhaps Love__. I hope you enjoy it! If not, let's pretend there's a much better version floating somewhere in the Digital World._

_Reviews will be very appreciated._

* * *

**Early Winter**

_Her_

Takeru Takaishi and Hikari Yagami. Everyone knew that they would one day end up together. Hope and Light, Angemon and Angewomon, Yamato and Taichi. The patterns fit together perfectly, as if by destiny, and who could argue with that? Even their romance reads like a classic love story. Takeru asked her out in their second year of high school, she'd said yes, and that had been that. They had never dated anyone else before, and they would never date anyone else after.

They applied to and got into the same university, he proposed senior year, and a week after graduation they got married in a small, intimate ceremony. During their wedding reception, Miyako had gotten more than a little drunk and cornered Hikari while she was getting a second helping of strawberries.

"You are so lucky!" she slurred, dribbling champagne on her lavender bridesmaid gown. "This is like a fairy tale! You and Takeru are made for each other. I always knew you would end up together. _Always_, even when evil Digimon were chasing us down."

Hikari had laughed. "Don't be silly," she said, though her friend's words filled her with a warm glow, an assurance she didn't realize she needed. "We were just kids then."

"Nah-uh," Miyako insisted. "It's true! He was always looking out for you and protecting you and staring at you all the time. It's _so_ obviously love."

Hikari had been pleased, if not entirely convinced, but the conversation was cut short when Miyako threw up on the grass and Ken came over to help his girlfriend clean up.

Now, lying on her bed with Takeru asleep beside her, Hikari wonders. She is twenty-six years old, no longer a girl who believes in fairy tales and destiny. The arguments that once sustained them now sound so childish. Yes, her crest and Takeru's crest were special, integral to the fabric of the Digital World, but surely the makers of the crests had more than romance in mind when they were created. Yes, they both had angel Digimon and older brothers, but so did other Chosen Children around the world. And yes, Takeru did watch out for her more than he did for any of the other Chosen Children, but he had made a promise long ago to Sora and Taichi to protect her.

Takeru cares about her, of that she is sure. They had been best friends practically their entire lives, there was bound to be affection involved. But love? There is no passion, no spontaneity. He had never looked at her the way he looked at Catherine, the French Chosen Child on whom he had a brief crush, or Satoko, the cheerleader he used to like in junior high, or even the way Daisuke once looked at her before she gently turned him down. As her best friend, he used to talk of his dreams and showed her drafts of his writings, but as her boyfriend and then husband, he is so guarded and careful. Their kisses and lovemaking are measured, controlled, as if he does not want to share too much of himself with her.

If he does love her, he doesn't love her for the reasons that everyone cites. Sometimes she wonders whether he loves light only because he hates darkness. She represents everything that he hates, the darkness that once destroyed Angemon, the darkness that threatened the Digital World time and time again. When he looks at her with those blue eyes, does he see Hikari, or does he see the Chosen Child of Light? Does he see her for who she is, or who she is not?

Marriage isn't based on passionate love, Hikari is well aware, yet can marriage survive on love born of friendship, duty, and a long-destroyed crest?

It is only after Takeru falls asleep that she can convince herself that he loves her beyond destiny and obligation. He likes to murmur her name in his sleep, in a tone never used when he is awake. When he has nightmares, he always holds her hands with both of his own, as if afraid that she will slip away. And in the mornings, she always finds herself pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around her so tightly that she cannot disentangle herself without waking him.

Hikari treasures these brief moments and hates her alarm clock for breaking the spell every morning.

_Him_

Since he was little, Takeru has known that love is fragile and painful. He still has a vivid memory of the night he and his mother moved away. He remembers the stricken look worn by his father, the bitter betrayal on Yamato's face, and the seemingly interminable car ride to their emptier new home. He and his mother wept the entire way, though for different reasons.

His parents had loved each other, had admitted as much even after the divorce, yet they had allowed their marriage to fall apart and stay broken because it hurt even more to stay together.

As a boy Takeru didn't understand the nuances of his parents' story. He only knew he would never, ever fall in love. Then he met Hikari Yagami.

It wasn't love at first sight. After all, they were only eight years old. But he felt an immediate connection to her, not just because she also had an angel Digimon and an older brother. She was different from the girls he had known up to then, different even from Sora and Mimi, both of whom he admired. She was so calm, so accepting of the Digital World despite having spent the least amount of time there. She was always thinking of everyone else, worried about causing trouble for her older brother at the expense of her own safety. Of the Chosen Children, he felt that she embodied her crest the most.

Through the course of their adventures, he and Hikari naturally became best friends. Takeru made a promise to himself that he would protect her, just as the older children protected him. Thus he almost felt miffed when Taichi and Sora asked him, on separate occasions, to protect her. Hadn't they noticed that he'd already been doing exactly that?

He couldn't pinpoint the exact point at which friendship turned into love. He was a boy, after all, and boys weren't supposed to be introspective. He did realize that she was more than a friend, however, when the Dark Ocean summoned her for the first time. He'd felt the same blind panic he'd felt when Angemon died in the fight against Devimon. He also had to deal with the guilt that not only did he not take care of her, he'd pushed her into the darkness by yelling at her. After he found and rescued her, there were so many things he wanted to tell her – apologies, even confessions – except he didn't have the right words, so he settled for a hand on her shoulder and a smile she returned.

It took five more years for Takeru to ask Hikari out. They had been friends for so long that it wasn't worth risking the friendship, especially if she didn't feel the same. She was so kind and gentle to everyone that he didn't want to misconstrue her every gesture, as Daisuke was prone to do. In the interim, he had crushes on other girls – pretty Catherine, feisty Satoko – yet they were only crushes. Sure, he had the typical boy fantasies about them, but he knew that the only girl he ever wanted – no, _needed_ – was Hikari. He had been so nervous when he finally worked up enough courage to ask her out, and had never been so relieved when she told him yes.

None of the other Chosen Children had been surprised, acting as if it had all been a matter of time. At first, he found the attitude pleasant, even flattering. He felt a warm glow knowing that out of the billions of people in the world, he found his soul mate at the age of eight. It wasn't until his wedding day, after he'd slipped the wedding band on Hikari's finger, that the enormity of what they'd done came to light. To the outside eye, he and Hikari were perfect together, destined to be together. What nobody could understand that perfection weights heavily on his shoulders.

Hikari means too much to him. Their marriage means too much to him. He is careful not to retread his parents' footsteps, careful not to become too close, careful not to let his own weaknesses drive her away. He hides his imperfections and fears from her, even if it also means shutting her out of his inner world. He is also afraid to show too much affection, to show exactly how much he loves and needs her, because he doesn't know if he can stand the knowledge that she doesn't reciprocate, or she doesn't reciprocate with the same intensity.

It is only at night that he dares to gather her close. He has nightmares regularly, sometimes of Angemon dying, more often of Hikari leaving. He takes comfort in knowing that when he wakes in a cold sweat, she will be there, her hands tightly clutched in his. And he would fall asleep again listening to the quick, steady beat of her heart, not realizing that she too might still be awake.

_Her_

Once, in a wasabi-induced contemplative mood, Tailmon decided it was necessary to enumerate Hikari's frustrating personality quirks. One of them is that once she boards a certain train of thought, it is impossible for her to get off, even if the train is speeding toward a less than desirable destination. Another one is that she prefers keeping her pain and hurt to herself, until they eat away at her sanity so completely that she loses a clear grip on reality.

Perhaps Tailmon is right. Once the idea that Takeru is unhappy with her settles in her mind, she cannot get rid of it, or the misery and guilt that follow from the realization. She starts rummaging through past memories, teasing out premonitions of trouble from photographs and videos of them together. And pretty soon, she starts thinking about it. Divorce, that is.

At first she does not allow herself to consider it seriously. The word holds so many dark connotations, evoking images of broken families and tearful children. When she was younger, she used to crawl into Taichi's bunk bed whenever she heard her parents argue, afraid that in the morning her brother would be all she had left. Not to mention, Takeru's parents had divorced, leaving behind a mental scar that never fully healed. Most of all, divorce would mean losing him forever.

Hikari loves Takeru in the same way girls love boys in cheesy manga. There are so many reasons that it would take days to enumerate. She first met him as the blond-haired, blue-eyed boy who sent his guardian angel to protect her on top of Tokyo Tower. He had watched over her when she fell sick and wiped away his own tears so she wouldn't cry in Piemon's castle. Three years later, he somehow defied time and space to rescue her from the Dark Ocean. He was always by her side, a constant as much as Taichi and Tailmon, that he might as well be the Prince Charming of her girlhood dreams come to life, complete with a flying golden horse.

If she leaves him, she would miss his off-tune singing in the shower, his lack of cooking abilities outside of omelets, his random collection of headwear. She would lose the one person who would sit in an uncomfortable position for hours just so she could get the lighting right for that one perfect photograph, who would only laugh when she accidentally ruined his favorite shirt demonstrating new finger-painting techniques she wanted to teach to her kindergartners.

The worst part of all, they would still have to be friends. She would have to run into him and his new girlfriend, whoever she will be, whenever there is a Chosen Children reunion.

She makes up her mind, however, when she comes home from work one day to find him watching some French movie. Onscreen, the hero and heroine are locked in a passionate embrace. On the couch, he is staring at the screen with an oddly intense look. As Hikari studies him, he lets out a sigh that sounds forlorn and wistful. Then he notices her and his face relaxes into an easy smile.

"Hey, welcome home," he says, coming over and brushing his lips against hers. Their hug lasts under two seconds. "How's work today?"

"Everything is good, and you?"

"Pretty good," he answers, not noticing as she turns away so he won't see her face crumple. She will never be his heroine.

That evening, when Takeru goes to the bedroom to work on his manuscript, Hikari lugs her hot pink laptop to the living room. After making sure that both Patamon and Tailmon are engrossed in the random game show playing on television, she pulls up the search engine and types out a search for divorce lawyers in Tokyo. With her usual meticulousness, she researches each of the lawyers before deciding on one particular one. She inputs the phone number into her cellphone.

It would be the last course of action. Divorce in Japan can be quite straightforward, if both parties agree. Yet after years of knowing Takeru, she has the feeling that he would protest, if only for her sake.

Hikari takes a deep breath. Courage, that is what she needs. She would talk to him. Make – no, _help_ him understand. "You'll see that I only want you to be happy," she whispers, knowing that she would need to convince herself first.

_Him_

The day has gone by well, although Takeru knows at once that something is wrong when he returns home to find Hikari nursing a mug of black coffee. Both of them prefer their caffeine in the form of tea or soda, and the only coffee that could be found in their kitchen cupboards are instant coffee samples given out in grocery stores.

"Hey, I'm home," he says, when she doesn't look up at the sound of the door closing. He bends over and gives her a kiss, careful not to linger too long on her lips. "How's the coffee?"

She meets his eyes and smiles. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in," she says. "I was thinking." She glances down at her mug and grimaces. "Or maybe not."

He laughs and pulls up a chair beside her. "I can finish it, if you don't want to," he says.

"No, I'll finish it," she says, snatching the mug and practically chugging down the remainder of the coffee. He winces on her behalf. Instant coffee should never be consumed black.

"Where are Patamon and Tailmon?" he asks.

"Visiting the others in the Digital World, I think Tailmon said. Probably won't be back until tomorrow." Hikari gets up. "Dinner is in the kitchen. Do you mind eating a bit early today?"

"That's fine," says Takeru, eyeing her with some concern. "Is everything all right?"

Hikari does not answer. Alarm bells go off in Takeru's head, though he tries to quell them as he helps her set the table. Her cooking has gotten better over the years, thankfully proving that she did not inherit Yuuko Yagami's cooking abilities. Then they sit down to eat, facing each other across the small four-person table. Usually, this is when they catch each other up on their day, and it should be Hikari's turn to start today. However, she remains quiet. It also doesn't help that neither Digimon is here to break the ice.

Takeru realizes that he has to say something. "I submitted my manuscript to the editor today."

"Manuscript?" She looks momentarily confused. He hasn't shown it to her since they started dating. "Oh, right, the book you are writing about our adventures. That's great, I'm so glad."

"Yeah, I'm eager to hear his feedback. How is your day?"

"Good," she says, not volunteering any more information.

Silence relapses. Hikari is clearly not herself today. Usually, even when something is troubling her, she would put up a pretense of normality over dinner so she won't alarm Takeru and the Digimon. Today she does not even try. Did something happen? Is she feeling all right? Just as terrible possibilities are running through Takeru's mind, Hikari takes a deep, audible breath. Apparently she has been mentally practicing what she is about to say.

"Takeru," she says. "I'd like to move out."

He blinks, caught off-guard. "Why?"

"I need some time alone." She bites her lip. "I think we should get a divorce."

It takes a moment to fully register her words. The chunk of fish he just bit into fell out of his mouth and chopsticks clatter onto the floor. "A divorce," he repeats. "A _divorce_. Is this some sort of a joke?"

Now it's her turn to blink. "No," she says, as surprised as he is by his harsh tone. "I'm sorry, I spent so long thinking about what to say – and I still mess up."

He doesn't feel like he belongs to his body anymore. He feels like he is watching Takeru and Hikari Takaishi sitting at their kitchen table, just as he watched Hiroaki Ishida and Natsuko Takaishi from afar over twenty years ago. This can't be happening. This just has to be one of his nightmares and he would wake up and Hikari would be in his arms.

He pinches himself. The kitchen does not fade away. "If you don't mind," he watches himself say, very politely. "Have I done something wrong?"

"No," she says immediately. "No, _you_ haven't."

The emphasis on you is not lost on Takeru. He pushes his chair back, exasperated. Hikari has always been unfailingly polite, even during arguments. In fact, if this were a normal disagreement, she would've apologized by now, whether or not it is her fault to begin with, and pretended that it was over. Except it is far from over.

Hikari abandons her own rice bowl, which has been barely touched throughout dinner. The words come rushing out. "I've been thinking about this for a while," she says, looking down at her hands. "I think – I think this decision – I think you would be happier with someone else."

"You don't think I'm happy with you?"

Her eyebrows rise. "Are you?" She is genuinely serious.

"Of course I am," he says. "Aren't _you_? We've been together since we were in elementary school."

She frowns and he realizes that his words don't make sense. Marriage is quite a bit different from chasing down evil Digimon.

"I love you," he says. Perhaps if he said it quietly, gently, the aftermath might've been different. As it were, he snapped at her almost aggressively, shattering the awkwardly polite atmosphere.

"No!" The word bursts from her as if it had been pent up for some time. "No, Takeru, don't you see? You don't love me. You push me away, you keep me at a distance. You love what I symbolize, you love me like a friend, but that's not the kind of love that keeps us together."

He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times, like a goldfish out of water. Now is the time to explain, _you're wrong, please understand, _but all he could come up with is, "I promised Taichi and Sora to take care of you."

Immediately he knows that that was the wrong thing to say. Her expression is a mixture of weariness and bitter triumph. "I know you did," she says, obviously making an effort to keep her tone even. "But that was twenty years ago. You shouldn't stay with me out of obligation…right?"

_Right?_

The last word seems to echo in the small kitchen. He knows that this is his chance for some eloquent speech, that he needs to say something to make Hikari stay, to explain that she has read the situation completely wrong, except he cannot. He is frozen, trapped in his own nightmare. As an aspiring writer, he could almost appreciate the irony. He caused the very thing that he tried to prevent. Perhaps Yamato hadn't been completely crazy when he told Takeru, in one of his darker moods, "Ishida men are cursed to be alone."

Not that his older brother ever backed up his claim. As far as Takeru knows, Yamato is now happily married to Sora, about to celebrate their five-year anniversary.

She sighs, her old gentle self again. "I'm sorry," she says. She moves as if to take his hand, before he snatches it out of range. "Of course you need time to think this over. Nothing is final. I haven't contacted a lawyer or anything."

Takeru doesn't quite see the silver lining. That just means she is hoping they can settle it quickly and quietly, without the strain of going to family court.

"Takeru," she says, sounding a bit alarmed. "Are you all right?"

_No, of course not!_ But he lifts and lowers his head, a small nod that seems to satisfy her.

He remains still as a statue while she clears the table, puts away the leftovers in the fridge, and washes the dishes. He almost finds amusement that even under these circumstances, Hikari could be trusted to do the chores. After the clinking of the dishes quiet, he hears her go into the living room to have a muffled conversation on her cell phone.

Then the mirth fades, because she is buttoning up her winter coat. There is a suitcase in the corner of the room, which he hasn't noticed until now. She takes the handle and comes over to him. He feels a light touch on his shoulder.

"I'll be at Miyako's," she says.

He looks at her sharply, feeling a fresh wave of betrayal.

Hikari reads his mind. "Miyako doesn't know yet, I just called her to ask if I could stay over tonight." She sighs, obviously thinking through the enormity of the road that lies ahead. Namely, telling all of their friends, human and Digimon, as well as their families. "But I will just be a phone call away, if you need me."

_I need you now._ He opens his mouth, but cannot make a sound. She comes over and drops a kiss on his forehead. He closes his eyes, knowing that when he opens them, she will be gone.

* * *

_**TBC**_


	2. Late Winter

_Thank you for all the support and feedback so far! The story is far from over and I hope the rest of it does not disappoint – while Hikari and Takeru practically wrote themselves, I still need to be careful not to let the story become too sappy or dramatic._

* * *

**Late Winter**

_Her_

What had intended to be a one-night stay has turned, so far, into a two-week stay. Miyako and Ken have a mansion, courtesy of the startup they ran during college before selling it two years ago for a huge sum. One occupied guest room out of five total guest rooms doesn't bother them.

"Stay as long as you want!" Miyako said generously, and Hikari knew that she was hoping that she will soon settle the matter with Takeru, whatever it is.

Which is basically what everyone else is clearly hoping for as well. It's just a rough patch that will soon pass, is the general consensus. However, to Hikari the separation is permanent. She has been poring through apartment listings in her free time, looking for a new place to live.

Hikari sighs as she flips through the channels, finding nothing but imported soaps and inane game shows. Between Miyako and Ken, there is enough technical aptitude to build a super computer, so it really comes as no surprise that the television is so completely reprogrammed that the channel listing bears no resemblance to any others in Japan. Still, couldn't they have left a few enjoyable stations for their helpful babysitter? Maybe figure skating?

Hikari settles for a foreign cartoon and leans back against the couch, little Momoko comfortably settled on her lap. "Another night with your favorite auntie," she tells her companion, eliciting a giggle. At least Miyako and Ken are getting a free babysitter out of the ordeal, and the couple are really milking it for all its worth. Hikari cannot help feeling jealous whenever she sees the couple dressed up, about to dine at another fancy restaurant.

One of Yamato's old hits suddenly starts playing, a heavy rock number. Her cell phone is ringing, startling the toddler.

"Momo, sweetie, it's okay," she coos, stroking the little girl's back with one hand as she reaches for the cell phone in the other. When the girl stops crying and focuses on the tomatoes flying onscreen, she says, "Hello?"

"Hikari!"

She almost drops the phone. It is Taichi. If she had bothered to check caller ID, she would not have answered. "Um hi, big brother," she says. "I'm a bit busy right now."

"If I can spare a minute in my busy day for you, you can do the same for me," Taichi says, leaving no room for argument. Then he cuts straight to the chase. "What on earth were you and Takeru thinking?"

"What do you mean?" Hikari says, playing dumb. She should have known that news would travel across the Pacific Ocean, even if Taichi is on one of his diplomatic trips.

"It's not exactly a secret anymore," Taichi says, "and I don't appreciate being the last person to find out."

"You were on a trip," Hikari says defensively, while trying to figure out who the tattletale is. Probably Sora or Mimi. "I didn't want to distract you from your job."

"Being your brother is also a job," he retorts, words that bring a reluctant smile to her face. "So, explain. You moved out and want a divorce?"

"I'm thinking of getting a divorce, but nothing's set."

"And you were going to tell me…when?"

"Not ever, because I knew that this is the way you would react," Hikari says. "Mom and Dad took it a lot better." Of course, she had only told her parents that she needed space for a little bit. Susumu and Yuuko Yagami generally waste more time worrying about Taichi and his endless string of casual girlfriends.

"Hikari, right now _you_ are overreacting!" says Taichi. "What on earth happened?"

"Big brother…" She sighs, running a hand through her hair. It has been taxing enough on her sanity explaining to everyone on this side of the world. "It's not that simple. What if I tell you that Takeru doesn't love me?"

She hears a snort on the other side of the phone. "Takeru loves you," says her brother. "Try harder."

"Maybe it's not the right type of love," says Hikari, wondering if she'd be able to articulate this better had she been the Chosen Child of Love, or had Takeru's talent with words. "Maybe it had been friendship all along. Takeru and I have never dated anyone else. Everyone just assumed that we'd end up together and we did. How would we even know the difference?"

Taichi isn't appreciative of her attempt at an explanation. "Did Miyako get you into trashy romance novels, or what? Does the guy need to ride a white horse to capture your heart? Oh wait, does Pegasusmon count?"

Hikari groans, not appreciating her brother's sarcasm. Her brain races and eventually finds another point to attack. "Big brother, do you remember how you and Sora both made Takeru promise to take care of me?"

"Sure," he says, after a moment's hesitation. "Why?"

"Maybe he took it a lot more seriously than the two of you expected," she says. "I don't want him to stay with me because he feels obligated to take care of me, because he isn't. I want him to be with me because he wants to, and…and I don't think he does."

"First of all," Taichi says, though he sounds less belligerent, "I think you're wrong. And second of all, even assuming you're right, is a divorce really the best way to find out?"

It makes sense to her. She loves him enough to let him go find his happiness. Love is about letting go, right? Why doesn't it make sense to anyone else?

"Are you mad at me?" Hikari asks softly. Even after all these years, Taichi's opinion matters to her more than anyone else's.

Her brother's tone softens, as it inevitably does when she is vulnerable. "I'm not mad at you, Hikari," he says. "I just don't want you to make a big mistake."

It isn't as if she hasn't worried about that herself. She wishes that she were eight years old again, because surely facing Vandemon again would be easier than figuring this mess out. "Nothing is final yet," she says eventually, using the same words she'd used on Takeru. "I'm still…thinking."

"Okay." Taichi knows that this is the best she could give him. "How are other things? Are you staying with Miyako right now?"

"Yeah, they have five guest rooms and now they have a free baby sitter too," Hikari says with a hollow laugh.

"And work and everything else?"

"Work is good and everything else…all right," Hikari says. Everything else used to mostly consist of spending time with Takeru. "Oh, by the way, big brother…will you be at Sora and Yamato's anniversary dinner next month?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Only if you won't be too busy," she says, already dreading the prospect of running into Takeru again.

"Then I will see you there," Taichi says firmly. "Meeting's coming up so I must run now. Take care of yourself, all right? If anything comes up, call me. Promise?"

"Promise," Hikari says, still holding the phone after he has hung up. "I promise."

_Him_

Takeru is staring out the window, counting the number of birds flying past the tall office building. He envies their carefree flight, for he feels completely weighed down. His head is heavy from the past two weeks of sleeplessness and concentration at work has become all but impossible. He has yet to give up on the chance, no matter how small, that Hikari would call to tell him that she is coming home.

Ichiro Suzuki, a stout man in his early forties, clears his throat and Takeru turns immediately. Usually he would be trembling with nervousness as he waits for his copy editor's feedback, but he doesn't mind the anticipation today. It takes his mind off all the things that are currently wrong with his life.

"Well, Takaishi," he says. "It's a good start."

A good start? With dismay Takeru stares at the thick stack of pages, the product of years of effort. "I'm afraid I don't understand," he says. "This is meant to be a full draft."

Suzuki nods. "I understand that," he says. "In general, I really like your writing. You have a unique eye and ear for nuances behind words. And the idea for your story has a lot of potential. Certainly very few other writers, if any, can write a convincing account of a Digimon adventure."

Takeru watches him carefully, knowing a _but_ of sorts is coming.

"Unfortunately," Ichiro continues, "your manuscript is not publishable in his current state. It simply will not be successful as is, and will require much revision."

_It simply will not be successful. _The words are mocking in their finality. For a wild moment, Takeru wants to run to the window and scream to the world, what _else_ can go wrong? He controls the impulse and asks quietly, "How should I improve the manuscript?"

The editor hesitates before speaking, choosing his words carefully. "You must understand that this is not a bad story," he says. "The plot is intricately constructed and the adventures that you and your friends have in the Digital World come vividly to life. It's not a bad story," he says again, "but it can be much better."

_Yes, you've established that several times. _Takeru tries not to be frustrated. As usual, Suzuki takes forever to get to the point.

"How?" he repeats.

"Let me give you an example." The older man selects a passage. "At that moment," he starts to read, "I felt a strange power overwhelm me. I looked down at my Digivice and saw that it was glowing in a way it had never glowed before. It was glowing in the way that the other children's Digivices glowed just before their Digimon evolved. So I held up my Digivice. There was a flash of blinding yellow light, a burst of energy, and Patamon stood before me, except he was now Angemon, an angel Digimon with six magnificent wings holding a golden staff."

Takeru stares at him questioningly.

"The thing is," the editor says, putting the pages down, "you don't give the reader an insight into what you are thinking about at that crucial moment. Are you excited that Patamon Digivolved? Are you angry, worried, proud? Surely you felt a strong emotion then. What is it? It is your story, Takeru, yet you sound so detached that it seems as if you are telling someone else's, a stranger's."

"I was trying to be objective as a narrator."

"If you are trying to be objective, don't tell the story in first person," Suzuki says, "and if you don't tell the story in first person, the story loses a lot of emotional impact. If you are not personally engaged in the story, a story composed of _your_ memories, how can you expect your readers to be engaged?"

Takeru bites his lips. The editor is right. Writing what essentially amounts to a memoir is different from writing the short stories that first earned him Suzuki's favor.

"To be a good writer," the editor continues, collecting the pages and replacing them before Takeru, "you need to be able to face yourself, face your past and flaws completely, and open your heart to your readers. If you want someone to care, you cannot keep your true self under wrap. Do you see what I mean?"

_You push me away, you keep me at a distance, _Takeru remembers Hikari's words from that painful night. Was that what she meant?

"Yes," he answers eventually. "I do."

Ichiro Suzuki smiles encouragingly. "During our partnership we have yet to produce anything less than stellar, and I am sure that this book will be a turning point in your career," he says. "Do you understand what you need to do to bring out your story's full potential?"

Takeru nods. Surprisingly, he does.

_Her_

It's the last apartment she is visiting today. Hikari waits breathlessly as the real estate agent unlocks the door. Perched on her shoulder, Tailmon rolls her eyes and twitches her tail irritably. After Hikari explained about the divorce to her and Patamon, Tailmon was so angry that she disappeared into the Digital World for days. Fortunately, she has forgiven Hikari enough to come back, citing her responsibility to accompany Hikari on her apartment hunting trips as the ostensible reason.

For that Hikari is grateful. At work, she can forget that anything is wrong when she is surrounded by a roomful of bright-eyed kindergartners, but reality always strikes at the end of the day. Despite Miyako and Ken's kindness, and despite Momoko's cuteness, she is lonely in a mansion that doesn't belong to her. She is lonely without Takeru.

"We're done after this," she tells Tailmon. "Then we can grab sushi, okay?"

Tailmon sighs. "Whatever," she says tonelessly, a reminder that Hikari is not fully forgiven.

"Well, here we are!" Kayo Ono says brightly, pushing open the door and leading Hikari inside.

The apartment is small, the smallest one Hikari has visited so far. The wallpaper is peeling and there is no distinction between the living room and the kitchen. The wooden floor is tarnished with wear. The single bedroom is smaller than Miyako's walk-in closet, barely large enough to fit a bed.

"This one comes with a gas stove and a pretty new kerosene heater," Kayo says. "No air conditioner, unfortunately, though electric fans would work just as well."

Hikari nods, not knowing what else to say. The only positive aspects of the apartment, as far as she could tell, are the balcony and the large windows.

"It's also a very good price," Kayo continues. "You definitely won't find a better deal in this market."

"Right, thank you," says Hikari. "That's very important. Do you think I could step out and take a look at the balcony?"

The agent smiles. "Please do."

Hikari steps out onto the balcony and slides the screen door shut behind her. The view, at least, is not too bad. The building overlooks a small park with a couple of swings. She could also tell that the balcony would get plenty of sunlight during the summer, which is a plus for her feline partner.

"So," she says, turning to Tailmon, "what do you think?"

"It's awful," she says flatly. Then again, she has been saying that for every apartment, even the ones too fancy for Hikari to afford. Her sharp eyes can always pick out something that is wrong. The sink is leaky, the water pressure in the shower is too low, the balcony is too narrow.

Hikari gives Tailmon a look of exasperation. "I need a place to live," she reminds her Digimon quietly.

"And you have a place to live," counters Tailmon.

She turns away. "I don't want to get into this now," she says. "I just don't want to impose myself on Miyako and Ken any longer."

Tailmon shrugs. "Then don't ask for my opinion. Do whatever you want."

Hikari gives a sigh of frustration. "Fine then," she says. "I'm going to take it."

Later, after the paper work has been done and the deposit has been paid, after Tailmon has her promised meal of sushi, Hikari returns to Miyako and Ken's house. It is empty and quiet. The family has yet to return from the zoo. Hikari heads into the guest room and starts packing, even though the actual move-in date would not be for another week. Soon she realizes that a trip back to the old apartment is unavoidable. She only brought a small suitcase with her the night she left, and now that she has a place to live, she needs to get the rest of her stuff.

Plus, she could see whether Takeru has changed his mind about the divorce. The last she heard, he is still against the whole idea, though she hasn't stopped hoping that they could settle it at the ward office. She even has the forms prepared.

She picks up her phone to call him. His number is still registered on speed dial. Minutes pass and she cannot bring herself to press the button. She longs for the sound of his voice, the tenor of his laugh, and yet she does not want to talk to him.

"Hikari." Tailmon, watching from her perch on the bed, sounds exasperated. "It's just a phone call."

No, it is so much more than a phone call. Hikari puts away the phone. "You know what, he's probably busy right now," she says. "I'll just text him."

"It's eight o'clock at night," Tailmon says. "And he's never too busy for your call. Since when did you become a coward too?"

A coward _too_? What else has Tailmon labeled her as?

Hikari ignores her partner as she pulls up the screen to compose a new text message. Her fingers don't feel as if they belong to her as they float over the keyboard and she lingers too long over punctuation, though she eventually manages to compose a coherent message.

_Takeru,_ she writes, _I hope everything is well. I found a new apartment, so I was wondering if I could drop by sometimes to pick up my stuff. Also maybe we could talk? Does the Shiki near your office work? Thanks. Hikari._

She presses send just as Tailmon lets out another long-suffering sigh. Yes, she acknowledges, Hikari Yagami is a coward. A coward _and_ a heartless bitch.

_Him_

When his cell phone shows a new message from Hikari, Takeru's hope soars, though it is promptly pummeled by reality. Before, he could almost convince himself that Hikari just needs a break and will be back once she figures things out. Now he knows that she is serious about the divorce.

He doesn't write back immediately. Instead he calls Yamato, who sounds annoyed at being interrupted in the middle of music practice. Since he began his astronaut training, time for just music has been difficult to come by.

"If you want to whine, call back in an hour," he snaps, one hand idly strumming his guitar. When Takeru hesitates, he says, "Okay, what?"

"Hikari emailed," says Takeru. "She wants to meet up."

Yamato waits, sensing that more is yet to come.

"She's already found a new apartment," he says. "She wants to get the rest of her stuff…and I think she's going to bring up the divorce again."

"Well, you don't have to go," says Yamato. "She's not forcing you to do anything."

Takeru runs an agitated hand through his hair. "I can't sit on this forever, big brother," he says. "If this is what she wants…do I have the right to stop her?"

"Look," says Yamato, sounding very serious. "I honestly don't understand what happened between you two, except it's obvious you two have been terrible at working out your issues. Meeting up might actually be a good thing so you can talk things out." He pauses to underline the significance of his next words. "Don't make the same mistake as Dad."

_Don't make the same mistake as Dad._ The words are still echoing in his mind as he takes a seat across from Hikari in the small café they used to frequent. There is already a pot of jasmine tea on the table, their mutual favorite. He pretends to be interested in the teacup before he works up enough courage to look at her.

She still looks the same, which shouldn't surprise him, except it does. She also looks extremely nervous, reminding him of the night when they first kissed. He tries and fails to think of something to start the conversation. He and Hikari never needed to make awkward small talk before.

It is Hikari who takes the plunge. "I found an apartment," she says, as if she hadn't already said so in her text message.

"Yeah, congratulations," he says, then immediately feels ridiculous.

She twirls her teacup, eyes lowered. "So I was wondering…if I could come pick up the rest of my stuff sometime."

"Your key still works, you know."

Hikari flushes and he immediately wishes that he could take his words back. He meant it to be lighthearted, but obviously it doesn't quite come out that way.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I just don't want to intrude at a bad time. I know you're busy with your manuscript."

Takeru clenches his hands around his teacup. Already she is acting like an outsider, like the apartment had never belonged to her, like she isn't more important to him than his job. "I want you to come," he wants to say, but instead he gives her a tight smile. "You can come by today, if you want. Or whenever, just let me know."

"I don't have my car, so it has to be another time," she says. She fiddles with the wedding band that she is still wearing. He waits, breath bated. "Have you given more thought to the divorce?"

Has he? Takeru almost laughs. Has he thought about anything else in the past few hours? He looks into her brown eyes and asks quietly, "Do you still want to go through with it?"

For a moment, her face crumples. Alarmed, he starts to get up, because he hates seeing her cry. Hikari collects herself, however, and nods into her teacup.

"I think we should."

He considers her words. Having known her for so long, he knows that Hikari has the same streak of Yagami stubbornness that Taichi displays in great abundance. And he knows that, if Hikari intends to go through with the divorce, his refusal would not mean anything. They would end up in family court, like the embittered couples on television that he never imagines they would become.

The answer is clear then. He is already losing her as his wife. He cannot lose her as his friend as well. If he has to repeat his father's mistake, then so be it. "Then let's do it," he says heavily, thinking, _I'm sorry, Yamato._

He cannot read Hikari's expression as she reaches into her purse and pulls out a manila envelope. She withdraws the divorce papers, which she must have brought with her for this very purpose. His throat suddenly feels very dry as she pushes the sheets towards him.

"I just need your seal," she says, almost in a whisper. "I will probably go down to the ward office on Monday and then…"

_Then we will be through._

Takeru wishes he could lie and tell her that he doesn't have his hanko seal with him, except he does. She knows that he carries his seal with him for work purposes. He locates his seal and reaches for the papers. Then, hand half-raised, he glances at Hikari, who is looking at him expectantly.

"Will you be okay?" she asks.

As he stares into those soft brown eyes he fell in love with, he feels an unfamiliar yet liberating rage. He doesn't need her pity, her concern. He won't give her the assurance that everything will be all right, even though she has torn apart the family he had longed to build.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he says, setting his hanko seal down with a flourish.

When he finishes, he shoves the papers back and she takes them, putting them neatly in a manila envelope. And so they are divorced, he thinks, or they will be as soon as the city gets around to their paperwork. Then he notices that her eyes are oddly bright. He wonders if he missed yet another chance to explain.

"Hikari…"

"I'll see you at Yamato and Sora's?" she says, getting up and setting down a small stack of bills. And unspoken, _I will probably avoid seeing you until then._

He exhales. "Yeah," he says. "See you then."

* * *

_**TBC**_


	3. Spring

_Thank you again for following this story. The next two chapters are the defining points of the story and I'd be interested to hear what you think._

* * *

**Spring**

_Him_

Yamato and Sora's five-year anniversary falls on a Wednesday, though Sora sensibly decides to celebrate on the Saturday after instead. Unable to face another weekend spent alone in his apartment, empty from Hikari's absence and devoid now of most of her belongings, Takeru offers to help Sora prepare dinner. After all, cooking for over twenty people is no small feat. In addition to the Chosen Children, the couple has invited their friends from school and work.

An hour into the afternoon, however, he is already regretting it. The kitchen is stiflingly hot and he has absolutely no idea what he is doing. Whereas Sora seems to have the magical touch of creating mouth-watering appetizers from raw ingredients, everything seems to turn into mush under his watch, necessitating rescues from his sister-in-law.

He manages to last for another hour before Sora, thankfully, notices his flushed and miserable face. "Let's take a break," she suggests, as she closes the oven door and slides her hand out of the mitt. "I think there are a couple cans of Sapporo beers in the fridge. Feel free to freshen up in the bathroom."

"Thanks Sora, I don't want to hold you up," Takeru says, retrieving the beer and taking a few gulps with relief. "I think I just need a couple minute's break from all the…cooking."

"No trouble, it's good to have company in the kitchen once in a while," Sora says. "Yamato is too busy with his astronaut training and the Digimon prefer watching television over helping." She wipes her hands on her pink apron. "Let's go sit on the couch for a bit. The pies need some time alone in the oven anyway."

He sinks down onto the Ishidas' sofa with a sigh. "Yamato is at least a pretty good cook when he has time," he says, defending his older brother. "I wish I paid more attention when I lived with my mom."

Sora sits down beside him. "I don't suppose you ever help Hikari in the kitchen?"

Takeru glances down at the beer, knowing that Sora isn't being tactless, merely directing their conversation to a topic she wants to broach.

"I make omelets sometimes," he offers with a weak smile, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry to be so direct," says Sora. "I'm worried about you, both of you. We were all counting on celebrating you and Hikari's five-year anniversary next."

Takeru turns to Sora's concerned face. Yes, he and Hikari were only a year away from arriving at the five-year mark. And when they sat hand-in-hand, watching Yamato and Sora share their first kiss as a married couple, they did not doubt that they would reach this milestone.

"I had no idea that she was so unhappy," he says. "I had no idea that _I_ made her so unhappy. She never told me until it was too late."

"You know, Takeru, forgive me for being trite, but no marriage is perfect," she says. "Yamato and I love each other very much, but we still have disagreements and sometimes even arguments. All that matters is that we are willing to work through our differences together. It's all about talking through our issues."

"We aren't good at communication," Takeru acknowledges. The channel between them has been closing since they began dating, for reasons well within their control, and neither of them acted to prevent it. Maybe they didn't know how. "I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

Sora gives him a funny look. "You don't think this is actually the end, do you?" she says.

"We already signed the divorce papers," Takeru says. "Isn't it the end?"

"You can always get married again and add to the city's paperwork," Sora says, then grins at the look of incredulity on her brother-in-law's face. She lays a sisterly hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Takeru. "I'm the Chosen Child of Love. I'm allowed to be biased in face of true love, right?"

He returns her grin, even though he doubts her rosy prediction. "Right..."

The oven beeps. Sora rises to her feet and he starts to follow, but she waves him off. "Don't worry about it, we're mostly through and you've already helped me a lot. It's almost time for the party anyway and you probably want to take a shower because you smell terrible."

He adopts a mock offended look and she laughs.

"Besides, we are really mostly set. Yamato's bringing a bunch of pre-made entrées, and Mimi promised she'd get here to help with dessert, since she's the actual chef around here."

As if to prove her point, the doorbell rings. Sora pokes her head out of the kitchen briefly.

"That must be either Yamato or Mimi. Could you get the door please? I'll set out some refreshments in the living room."

It turns out to be Mimi at the door, holding a giant cake box. Per her usual style, she is dressed head to toe in pink, though her hair has returned to its natural shade of brown.

"Hello Takeru," she says merrily. "I brought a five-tier cake that I made!"

"Good to see you Mimi, do you need help?" asks Takeru, starting forward.

The young woman waves him off with a shake of her head. "No, nobody but me can handle the cake," she says. She sets the box down gingerly on the floor before she shrugs out of her pink trench coat and bag, which she hands over to him. "Could you put away my stuff though? And is Sora in the kitchen?"

"Yes," Takeru answers to both questions. He watches with raised eyebrows as Mimi picks up the cake box again. "Are you sure you don't need help?"

"Nobody else can handle the cake," Mimi insists with a grin. "I'll see you in the living room, okay?"

Takeru chuckles to himself as he opens the door into the Ishidas' walk-in hallway closet. He is fumbling to put Mimi's coat on a matching pink coat hanger when the doorbell rings again.

"I'll get it!" Mimi shouts, obviously having deposited the cake safely in the kitchen.

A moment later, he hears the exchange of greetings. He freezes when he hears a familiar voice say, "Hey Mimi, good to see you again!"

"Good to see you guys too," Mimi replies. "Refreshments are in the living room."

"Okay, I'll just put away our coats in the closet. Taichi, you go ahead."

Before he can react, the closet door opens and he finds himself staring into the bemused eyes of Hikari, who has two coats draped over one arm. He almost drops both the coat and the coat hanger.

"I'm so sorry," she says. "I didn't realize someone was in there."

"I'm sorry to have startled you," he says. After a pause, he adds, "How are you?"

She averts her eyes briefly. "I've been well, you?"

"Same."

They are standing so close, he could smell the familiar scent of her cologne, see the rise and fall of her chest. Their faces are only inches apart, and he only needs to lean in to kiss her again. He tries not to think about that, and opens his mouth to make some casual remark, maybe about the weather, when Taichi interrupts.

"Hikari, what's taking – oh hello," he says, noticing Takeru. The two men exchange an awkward though friendly nod; Takeru hasn't seen Hikari's older brother in months, though he has received a few supportive emails since the divorce. "Didn't realize you are also in here. Good to see you again." He turns to his younger sister. "Well…was just going to ask, do you want anything to drink?"

Hikari blinks, as if she is caught off-guard by a difficult question. "Apple cider?" she says.

Taichi gives her a funny look. His sister isn't usually that fond of apples. "Okay, will do," he says, ducking out of the closet just as the doorbell rings again.

The voices outside grow louder. It sounds like Yamato has arrived, along with the dinner entrees and a few of his coworkers. The party has unofficially begun. Hikari takes a step backwards. "It sounds like the others are coming," she says, not meeting his eyes. "I can put away Mimi's coat too. Why don't you go join the others too?"

"Right," says Takeru. "Thanks."

He steps around her, careful not to brush against her shoulder.

_Her_

Hikari thinks she has sufficiently prepared herself mentally for the anniversary dinner, though of course all of her preparation goes out the window the second she walks into the closet and almost runs into Takeru. Being so close to him catches her off-guard. He smells sweaty, reminding her of the old days when he'd hug her after a victorious basketball game. She almost expects him to kiss her, except her brother picks the perfect moment to interrupt.

She ignores Taichi's curious stare when she joins the other guests in the living room, after spending some time in the hall collecting herself. _You're being a fool,_ she tells herself, as she sits down beside her older brother. _Takeru won't bite._

Takeru doesn't. After he changes out of his sweaty clothes – was he actually helping in the kitchen? – he appears, but is careful to stay on the other side of the room.

The living room begins to fill up as the rest of the guests arrive. Sora, after changing out of her apron into a dress, ushers everyone inside to get refreshments. Hikari tenses as she faces the prospect of engaging strangers in conversations. She has never done too well with large crowds of people; Digimon and young children are exceptions. She is grateful for Taichi's comforting presence. He probably would have tried to come to the anniversary dinner even if she didn't ask, but she knows that he would cross dimensions to lend her support when she needs it.

And she desperately needs his courage for dinner, because someone, probably Sora, thought it was a good idea to seat her and Takeru next to each other.

Hikari has nothing against Sora, or anyone else, except she wishes that they wouldn't try so hard to pretend that nothing has changed between them, because everything has.

The tension at the dinner table is palpable among the Chosen Children, though they try their best to dispel it for the other guests. Daisuke is boisterous and shares tales of his noodle cart, which he is running with his new girlfriend, while Miyako tries to hype up a new computer software that she has been working on, to much interest from Koushiro.

"It's going to be the next big thing," she declares, jabbing her chopsticks into the air. "It's going to revolutionize the whole television industry!"

Hikari cannot concentrate on the conversation or the food. The table is too small for so many people and her shoulder bumps into Takeru's whenever either of them tries to get another helping, or raise their glasses, or turn to speak someone who is not each other. Every bump sends butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Both of them refrain from speaking until it is time for dessert, when Mimi and Sora display the five-tier cake that Mimi baked. Everyone marvels at the beautiful concoction, to Mimi's delight.

Before the cake can be cut and consumed, Takeru makes the toast, as he had as the best man at the wedding five years ago. "To Yamato and Sora," he says. "Congratulations on five wonderful years together, and best wishes for many more to come."

Hikari claps with everyone, pretending she doesn't hear the slight hint of bitterness in his tone, pretending she isn't thinking of the five-year anniversary that they would never reach together.

The rest of the evening is comparatively easier. It is the first time that the Chosen Children in months and Hikari enjoys catching up with those she doesn't regularly see, secure in the knowledge that nobody will bring up the topic of divorce when there are others around. She finds herself keeping a discreet eye on Takeru, who seems to be spending most of his time either drinking or talking with a few of Sora's coworkers.

The only hitch comes when one of Yamato's friends, whose name may or may not have been Kai, corners her and tries to engage her into conversation. She nurses her glass of apple cider and tries to think of a polite way out, except she doesn't have all that much experience with guys showing overt interest in her. There was Daisuke back in the day, maybe Wallace if that friendly kiss counted, and then there was just Takeru. Guys tended not to approach her if they risked being on the receiving end of a death glare.

She chances a glance at Takeru as Kai talks on and on about planets and stars, trying to relate them to their compatibility. He is watching them, expression unreadable. She can't count on him to save her anymore.

Eventually Taichi rescues her, and she spends the rest of the evening with Mimi and Miyako, not bothering to venture again out of her comfort zone.

At the end of the night, Hikari retrieves her and Taichi's coats, and goes looking for her brother. She finds him seated on the sofa, engrossed in a conversation with a very pretty brunette. Sora and Yamato, who are technically also participating in the conversation, look on with amusement. Taichi can be surprisingly similar to Daisuke when it comes to impressing girls. Maybe it is a soccer player trait.

"I'm guessing I shouldn't interrupt?" she murmurs to Sora, who grins in response. "I was supposed to give him a ride back to his hotel."

"Yamato and I can take care of it," Sora says. "We'll make sure he makes it back to the hotel in one piece."

_And alone, I hope,_ Hikari finds herself thinking, before reminding herself that Taichi is the older sibling. He can take care of himself. "That would be great, thank you."

"Thank _you_ for coming today, it was so good to see you." Sora comes forward and embraces Hikari, who leans into the sisterly hug. "Maybe the two of us could catch up sometime?"

Hikari nods, somewhat wary. "Yeah, let's do that."

She waves goodbye to Yamato, who gives her a nod and a half-smile, as well as saying scattered goodbyes to her other friends as she passes through the living room on her way to the front door, pausing only to put Taichi's coat back.

Once again – and Hikari dwells briefly on the irony – she walks into Takeru, who is getting his own coat. He looks a bit dazed, as he always does after consuming too much alcohol. He blinks at her as he shrugs into the coat, taking longer than usual to recognize her and then acknowledging her with a nod.

"Are you going to be okay getting home?" she asks, a bit concerned. Divorced or not, she isn't letting him drive home in this state.

"The bus stop is just down the street," he replies, looking away. "I'll be fine, no worries."

So he didn't drive today. Hikari speaks before she could change her mind.

"Can I give you a ride home tonight then?" she says, brandishing her car keys. "Maybe I could pick up the rest of my stuff."

In a brief moment of sobriety he meets her eyes squarely and she wonders what is going through his mind in that moment. But he only says, "Of course."

_Him_

Takeru is annoyed. He doesn't do well with too much alcohol, and he knows that tonight he has definitely exceeded his normal tolerance. Already his head is starting to hurt and it does nothing for his terrible mood. He is annoyed that Yamato and Sora are happily married. He is annoyed that the Chosen Children are pretending that nothing is wrong, even though everything is wrong. He is annoyed that Yamato's coworker insists on talking Hikari's ear off until Taichi finally catches sight of her polite yet uncomfortable face.

And most of all he is annoyed that at the front door he runs into Hikari, who offers to drive him home, and that he does not refuse.

The annoyance only grows when they arrive in front of the apartment, and she waits for him to open the door, even though her old apartment keys are still on the same keychain as her car key, even though she should have known that he wouldn't change the locks. Not on her. The silence is deafening as he pulls out his own keys and almost violently jams them into the locks.

When he shoves the door open, Hikari gives him a look of concern. "Are you all right?" she says. "I can make some tea. That might help –"

"I'm fine," he cuts her off. "I'll be in the study."

She nods in response as he turns to head into the study, as if she accepts his bad mood as part of his inebriation. From his desk, he hears her rummage in the apartment, first looking for spare boxes and duct tape, and then scavenging the bedroom for the rest of her stuff, mostly small things, like her favorite books, uncollected artwork from the kindergarten, and souvenirs of her high school and college days. Hikari isn't someone who likes to throw things away. Of course, he just happens to be an exception.

Takeru stares at the screen, where his manuscript waits patiently, and finds that he cannot concentrate. Maybe it is alcohol. Maybe it is the strain of knowing that Hikari is in the apartment, about to make off with the last remaining evidence that she has ever lived here.

He rakes his hands through his hair and goes back to the kitchen, where she is on her knees, carefully packing old newspaper between her old photography projects. He watches her silently, studying her face, framed by wisps of brown locks that have escaped from her ponytail. Her eyebrows are furrowed and her lips pursed in effort. Then betrayal surges, soon to be replaced by anger, white boiling hot anger that he has rarely ever felt.

"I hate you."

The words burst out without warning. Hikari looks up from the box she is duct taping, her eyes wide and startled. "I – I'm sorry?" she says.

Against his better judgment, he is unable to stop. "I hate you," he repeats, in case she didn't hear clearly the first time. "What are you doing here? What are you hoping to gain?" Takeru sees the tears glittering in her eyes, but the alcohol has seized full control now. "Why are you doing this? What did you hope to accomplish by destroying my life? Why didn't I see what kind of a sadistic, selfish person you are? You are just like my mom, like my dad."

Her eyes widen. He has never spoken that way about his parents. He has never expressed just how bitter he felt and still feel about his parents' divorce.

Takeru is not done. "You got everything you wanted from me, so why can't you leave me alone? I never want to see you again. I hate you. I hate myself for ever loving you, for even thinking that you are being capable of being loved." His voice slips an octave. "And I hate myself for still loving you."

Hikari swallows and blinks, tears trailing down her face. She comes over to him and hesitantly puts her hand on his arm. "Takeru," she says, in a gentle but firm tone she probably uses on misbehaving kindergarteners. "I think you should go to bed. You've had too much to drink."

He jerks away. "Why don't you try answering my questions for once?" he demands, even though he can't clearly recall anything he just said.

She takes a deep breath. "What would you like to know?" she says calmly.

"Why are you doing this?"

Hikari's teacher mode almost slips. Her jaw sets and there is the look of determination that he dreads. "I'm not doing this to hurt you," she tells him. "I would never willingly hurt you. I only –"

But she never finishes. He has shoved her roughly against the wall. She cries out in pain as she slams against the cement, and for a moment they stare at each other, shocked. _I hurt her,_ is his initial thought, and then, _I don't care._ Pushing away the rest of his misgivings and guilt, he bends down and kisses her so roughly that he draws blood. To his surprise she yields, allowing his tongue to explore every inch of the mouth he still knows so well.

When they finally break for air, her eyes are wide open and cheeks are wet. For some reason, she does not look scared, only expectant. The rational part of him is screaming, get off her and apologize, while the rest of him is screaming for more, _more_.

It turns out that he doesn't need to make a decision. With an understanding smile, Hikari pulls him back down for another kiss, and there is no more to be said. He finds the side of her neck, the curve of her shoulder, and she does not resist when he relieves her of her dress. Her hands are cold against his bare skin once his shirt is out of the way; he can feel them trembling as she digs her nails into his shoulders.

By the time they have stumbled into the bedroom, onto his – their – bed, the rest of their clothes has been discarded as well. Their eyes lock once more, and then there is no more to be said.

_Her_

It is the alarm clock that wakes her. Hikari opens her eyes, trying to hold onto the fragments of her dream. She and Takeru were still together, still in love. He was kissing her and they –

Then she realizes the latter half of her dream is in fact reality. She is sleeping next to Takeru, their arms and legs still entangled from the previous night.

She isn't sure if she is relieved or scared. Gently she brushes a lock of hair off his face, remembering the desperation in his eyes when he kissed her, the same look he had worn whenever he was afraid that she was succumbing to the Dark Ocean. She extricates herself from his embrace, slowly remembering the intensity of their lovemaking the previous night. She has never seen him lose control like this, and it is exhilarating in a perverse way.

Unusually, he does not stir when she slips from his arms. It's the alcohol, she tells herself, picking up her clothes from the floor. Only the alcohol.

Except it isn't the alcohol, not for her. She was sober and subconsciously she yearned for this very thing to happen. And it is more than just drunken sex, so much more. Last night was the first time he set aside his mask of indifference and hurled at her every insult in his arsenal, the first time he completely threw caution to the wind in her presence.

The first time she saw the passion that he had never before directed at her.

Once dressed, once her head has cleared enough to think, Hikari makes a pot of black tea for Takeru's hangover. Then she picks up her cell phone from the kitchen floor and sees that she has five missed calls, three from her brother and two from Miyako.

"Hikari," Taichi says, answering before the phone even rings. "Got back okay? Sorry I lost track of you. I didn't remember to call you until Yamato put me on the cab."

"I'm fine," Hikari says, refraining from rolling her eyes. Even the older brother whom she grew up worshipping can't stay away from being plastered. "Glad _you_ got back to the hotel okay. Alone, right?" she couldn't help adding.

He laughs, ignoring her last question. "You home? I can head over and help you clean up the apartment."

"Well, I'm just taking care of a couple of errands," she says, careful not to give her whereabouts away. If Taichi ever finds out what happened…well, the consequences are too horrible to imagine. "Can I call you back in a bit? We can grab brunch."

"Okay, see you then."

She calls Miyako next. "Hikari!" Miyako says. "You all right? I saw you leave with Takeru last night."

Hikari winces. Who else has seen? "I was just picking up the last of my things, and I figured I'd give him a ride back since he was kind of…tipsy," she says. "Sorry to have worried you."

"Oh." Miyako pauses and Hikari knows that her friend has guessed that there is more to be said. Thankfully she chooses to be tactful. "Well," Miyako says, "give me a call if you need any help moving your stuff then. I'm running a couple of errands this morning but can drop by any time in the afternoon."

A probing conversation with Miyako is the last thing she needs. "I'll be fine, Taichi's helping," she says. "I got to go, but I'll talk to you later, okay?"

She disconnects before her friend could protest.

Hikari shuts off her phone and eyes the bedroom. There is still no movement. Takeru must've been really drunk. She closes the bedroom door and retrieves the duct tape dispenser from where she dropped it the day before and goes back to her boxes to finish sealing them. Then she carries them downstairs to be loaded into her car.

Her car is parked across the street from the apartment building. She has just put the last of the boxes in the trunk of her car when he appears at the front door of the building, wearing an old college T-shirt and pajamas bottoms. He looks disoriented as he searches for her, eyes squinting under the intense sunlight and probably the hangover from which he is suffering.

Hikari stands frozen, torn between wanting to escape undetected and wanting him to find her, except she soon realizes that she isn't ready to face him after last night. She needs time, a lot of time, to collect herself before she can face him again. As quietly as she could, she closes the trunk of her car and slips into the driver's seat. Heart pounding, she puts on her sunglasses, turns the ignition key, and steps on the accelerator. She hopes, though she knows that it is doubtful, that she will be out of sight before he recognizes her car.

* * *

_**TBC**_


	4. Summer

_This chapter went through the most drafts, because it sets up the rest of the story, and I'm still not completely satisfied. You can let me know what you think and please do point out any typos and grammatical errors I may have missed during proofreading._

* * *

**Summer**

_Her_

It is one of those unbearable summer days in Tokyo. The lack of air conditioning does not help and the electric fan does not suffice, despite what the real estate agent said. Hikari plops down on the floor right in front of the fan, armed with a carton of vanilla ice cream whose brand is currently on sale at the grocery store. She wears the least amount of clothes that could still be deemed decent – a camisole over gym shorts – and her long hair is pulled back into a messy knot at the nape of her neck. Tailmon, in the meantime, is curled up on the windowsill, enjoying the rare breeze from the open window.

The doorbell rings just as Hikari digs out a big scoop of sugary goodness. She hesitates, the spoon raised halfway to her mouth. Should she answer it? Does she _have_ to answer it? Probably, she decides with a sigh, setting down both the spoon and the ice cream container. It could be a neighbor or, even worse, the landlord. She grabs a wrinkled blouse off the back of her only chair and puts it on over her camisole, while the doorbell rings a few more times.

"I'm coming," she says, as she undoes the bolts and pulls the door open. She blinks when, instead of an old lady, she sees Sora and Miyako. Both are wearing sundresses and carrying small purses, as if they have been out around the city. "Oh hello, I didn't know you were stopping by."

"We just happened to be in the neighborhood," says Miyako.

Hikari narrows her eyes. "Right," she says, not believing her. Her friend's complete lack of lying abilities is one of the reasons she finds her so endearing.

"Are you going to let us in?" Sora asks with a smile, and Hikari realizes that she is blocking the doorway, arms crossed over her abdomen.

"Yes, welcome," she says, stepping aside to let them through.

She has yet to invite the Chosen Children over for a housewarming party, mostly due to the lack of space and now due to the lack of air conditioning. While Miyako and Sora survey the apartment, Hikari retrieves her ice cream and spoon. Then she leans against the wall and waits for one of them to start the conversation.

"Hikari –" Miyako begins, frowning, but Sora cuts her off.

"Nice apartment," the older woman says. "I mean, it's small, but you definitely made the most of it."

Hikari gives her a grateful smile. "Thanks," she says, because that is exactly what she had to do. She tries to keep the apartment clean and the floor clear, and whatever she could not fit into closets or storage, she places in the bedroom under the bunk bed that she and Taichi used to share. The arrangement is not going to win any interior decorating award, but it maximizes what little space she has to spare.

"So," Miyako says. "We haven't seen you in a while."

Hikari casts her eyes downward. She hasn't made much of an effort to see anyone since driving Taichi to the airport after the night of the anniversary dinner. "I've been busy," she says. When Sora and Miyako exchange a look, she adds, "Do you want something to drink? Ice cream?"

Sora shakes her head while Miyako plops down onto the chair. "Well, school's out now," Miyako points out, "so you must be less busy. Hey, this new restaurant just opened up in Shibuya. Apparently it serves really weird Japanese and French fusion food. Do you want to come check it out with us?"

Hikari grimaces before she could catch herself. Ingesting solid food is about the last thing she wants to do these days. When Sora raises an eyebrow, she quickly finds a smile. "It's too hot," she says. "Maybe another time."

"We could go somewhere else," Sora suggests. "There is a new salad place that Yamato was telling me about. It apparently serves really great fruit salads."

She shakes her head. "It's too hot," she repeats.

Sora and Miyako exchange another look. Hikari gives an inward sigh. Aside from her mother, Sora and Miyako, along with Mimi, are the most important women in her life. Sometimes, however, she wonders if they know her a little too well and are a little too perceptive.

"Is everything okay?" Sora asks gently.

Hikari presses her back against the wall and considers her options. She _could_ keep on being evasive, because she is rather used to being evasive, except Miyako isn't the wife of a professional detective for nothing and Sora can be persistent when she puts her mind to a goal. They are obviously here for the sole reason of interrogating her. She will never hold up under their questioning, not in her current state of mind.

"I have a confession to make."

Judging from their expectant faces, Hikari could tell that neither is surprised. Sora gives her an encouraging nod.

"The night of the anniversary dinner," she says, focusing intently on her rapidly melting ice cream, "I – I went back to Takeru's place to pick up my stuff. We, well…"

Miyako's eyes widen. "Oh my gosh, don't tell me –"

"We slept together," Hikari confirms.

"I _knew_ it!" Miyako practically shrieks, and if Hikari hadn't been leaning against the wall she would've fallen backwards from the sheer force of her friend's disapproval. "I _knew_ the two of you can't be trusted around each other! Why did you think that was a good idea?"

"We were drunk," Hikari says softly. "We weren't thinking."

"I should think you weren't!" Miyako sighs. "Hikari, it isn't like you to be so irresponsible."

Sora is frowning, not necessarily in disapproval, but in bemusement. "Well…" she says slowly, choosing her words carefully. "How are the two of you doing?"

She shrugs, pushing away the image of him searching for her the morning after. "All right. I haven't seen him in a while. We exchanged emails. Sometimes."

The frown does not go away. "Well...have you talked about it?"

Hikari shakes her head. "What is there to talk about?" she says, almost wondering aloud.

A wave of nausea overcomes her before Sora could answer, and then Hikari is on her knees in front of the toilet bowl, reliving crazier college nights by throwing up everything she ingested in the past couple of hours, which isn't much. Once the toilet has flushed for the last time, she stares at her reflection in the toilet bowl, feeling tears of frustration spring to her eyes. This isn't supposed to happen. This isn't supposed to _happen_.

Soon she feels Sora's soothing hand on her back. They are quiet for a moment.

"Does Takeru know?" Sora asks very softly.

"No," Hikari says, as she allows herself to be eased into a seated position. She feels the mental exhaustion finally catching up with her. "Nobody knows. I only found out a few days ago myself."

_And I kept hoping that I was wrong._

"Are you going to tell him?" Miyako asks from the doorway to the bathroom. Her tone is gentler now, for which Hikari is glad. She hates it when her friends are unhappy with her.

Hikari leans her head against Sora's shoulder, feeling completely drained. "Should I?" she says, even though she already knows the answer.

"You can't hide this from him forever," Sora says, even though Hikari planned the exact thing when she was in one of her less rational moods.

"Hikari." Miyako is sitting on her heels in front of her now. She reaches for Hikari's cold and clammy hands. "I'm not the best person to give advice, as you probably figured out a very long time ago, but I care about you and I care about Takeru. And you have to tell him and tell him soon."

She stares at the cracked tiles of her bathroom wall. What her friends are saying is all too true. She can't avoid Takeru forever and at some point she's going to need to stop running away. Not to mention…Takeru might not wait for her forever. Her mind flashes unwillingly to the three words that continue to haunt her. _I hate you._

"Promise you will tell him soon?" Sora says, squeezing Hikari's arm.

"Okay," says Hikari. She feels almost relieved to come to this resolution. "I promise."

_Him_

If it weren't for the heat wave, if it weren't for his writer's block, Takeru would've responded with a resounding _no_ when Daisuke invites him to a bar with the promise of meeting beautiful women. It is none of anyone's business that he is single and it is none of anyone's business to set him up on flings. The pain from the divorce, and from the night of the anniversary dinner, is too raw. He'd be a fool to open himself up to anything that could lead to that type of hurt in such a short span of time.

As it were, however, he is so frustrated by his inability to write and the impending deadline that he responds with a defeated yes.

"Don't worry, it will be fun!" Daisuke reassures him, as they exit the subway station. "You really need to get out more, Takeru."

Takeru sighs, wondering why he is getting dating advice from Daisuke, who is on a break from his long-term girlfriend again, even though there has been talk of a possible engagement only last month. Maybe he hasn't kept up with the evolution of modern dating conventions.

"I'm sure you have my best interests in mind," he says drily, as they enter the bar.

Immediately they are assaulted by loud music. The DJ is blasting the latest hit singles from Japan's top artists, currently a rock song from a popular boy band. He is reminded of college parties he and Hikari attended during their first and second year of college, which more often than not ended with him carrying his girlfriend back to her dorm, praying that her older brother would never, ever find out how many shots she downed.

Once they are seated on bar stools, Daisuke orders both of them Asashi beer and shoves one of the tankards toward Takeru. He takes only a small sip before he pushes the beer away. The memories of what happened the last time he was drunk are still too vivid.

"So," begins Daisuke, without ceremony. "How have things been?"

_How have things been_ has rapidly become one of Takeru's least favorite questions. Everyone seems to have his or her own expectations and looks suspicious when he responds with a cheery, "Everything is good!"

This time, he doesn't bother with the pretense. "Writer's block," he replies, and it is true. Writer's block has pretty much defined the past couple of weeks for Takeru. He has rewritten most of the book, yet he still cannot bring himself to write about Angemon's death. Or the Chosen Children's near miss in Piemon's castle. Or Hikari's collapse in the middle of the desert.

As expected, Daisuke blinks before he narrows his eyes.

"Right," he says. "That's too bad."

"How have you been?" Takeru says, deciding to turn the tables. "How are you and Yuka?"

Daisuke shakes his head impatiently. "Yuka is being ridiculous," he says. "She says I spend more time on noodles than I do with her. How is that possible? We make noodles _together_."

Takeru opens and closes his mouth, not wanting to deconstruct his friend's logic.

"Anyway," Daisuke says. "I figured we'd cool off and see where we stand in a couple of weeks. How are you and Hikari? You guys seem okay at the anniversary dinner."

_If you only know._ "The same," he says tersely, trying to discourage Daisuke from probing more deeply into the topic.

Daisuke frowns before he shrugs. Then he glances around the bar and his eyes suddenly light up. Takeru follows his line of vision and grimaces when he realizes that Daisuke is looking at a young woman sitting alone at the other end of the bar.

"Daisuke," he begins, but his friend is already dragging him toward them. "I said I would drink with you, and I would even be your wingman, but –"

"But nothing," says Daisuke. "I'm not asking you to get married. I'm not even asking you to take her home. I'm asking you to have fun because you look like your second great-aunt passed away. Hello there," he says, turning up his charm as he nears the girl. "My name is Daisuke and this is my friend Takeru. And who are you?"

"I'm Risa," the young woman answers, looking amused.

Daisuke gives Takeru a none-too-subtle shove and he sits down reluctantly beside Risa, who gives him a dimpled smile. She is very pretty, he notes, and could pass for Hikari's younger sister with her long brown hair and large brown eyes. Meanwhile, Daisuke has snuck back to their original barstools and helped himself to the rest of Takeru's beer. Takeru almost rolls his eyes. For all of Daisuke's bravado and his supposed ways with women, he is just waiting to mend ties with Yuka.

He turns to Risa and tries to figure out what next to say. He is as inexperienced with women as Hikari is with men. They have known each other for so long that they never needed the getting-to-know-each-other stage.

Takeru clears his throat. "So um, what do you do?"

"I'm a graduate student at Odaiba University," she says. She speaks in a confident, self-assured tone, unlike Hikari's sweet demureness. "You?"

"I'm a writer."

"Cool," she says. "What brings you here?" She grins when Takeru glances at Daisuke. "Let me guess. Your friend?"

He nods. "Yeah."

"Getting over a bad breakup?" When Takeru stares at Risa, she shrugs. "I'm a psychology major. You have it written all over your face, you would've been a classic study in my seminar last semester."

"Er…thanks?"

Risa laughs as she drains the last of her beer. "Good thing is, you're cute, so why don't you ask me to dance? It will help you forget about your ex-girlfriend."

Takeru glances at Daisuke again. "All right."

The music is even louder on the floor, so loud that it feels as if the floor is throbbing along with the beat. Risa puts her arms around Takeru's neck and pulls her body close against his. He swallows nervously as he rests his hands lightly about her waist and tries to mirror her movements without looking completely stupid. Really, he is so hopelessly out of touch. It doesn't help that he and Hikari always treated their mutual lack of dancing ability as an inside joke.

The dancing lasts three excruciating songs before he feels the cell phone vibrating in his pocket. He could barely hear the first few bars of _Butterfly_ over the loud noise, even as the DJ pauses to choose the next song. Takeru immediately stops dancing and pulls it out; _Butterfly_ only ever goes off for Hikari's calls and messages.

It is a text message. _Takeru, could we talk, maybe at my apartment? I emailed you the address just now. Hikari._

He glances at Risa, already composing an apology in his head, except she speaks first. "You have to go?" When he nods and starts to apologize, Risa shrugs, not looking too disappointed. "Good luck!" she calls, before she disappears into the crowd, securing a new dance partner just seconds later.

Takeru, on the other hand, shoves his way through the crowded dance floor and returns to the bar, where Daisuke is engaged in a lively debate with the bartender as they watch the soccer game playing on television. His friend turns when he hears him approaching.

"Hikari," Daisuke says, before Takeru could speak.

He glances down at the phone and then at his friend. "I have to go," he says, for lack of a better thing to say.

Daisuke is studying with unusual keenness. "Goodness Takeru," he says, shaking his head. "Listen to yourself. You love her. Why'd you ever let her go?"

"But I didn't," protests Takeru. It is a bit disconcerting to hear this type of observation from Daisuke. Wasn't he trying to set Takeru up just thirty minutes ago?

Then Takeru remembers his silence when he signed the divorce papers, his awkwardness when he ran into Hikari at the dinner, and his anger and hurt when he told her he hated her. Daisuke is right. He heaves a sigh.

"Okay," he admits. "Maybe I did, but –"

His head jerks up in surprise when Daisuke claps his hand on his shoulder. "Then what are you waiting for?" he says, giving Takeru a light shove toward the door before proceeding to misquote an American film. "Go get her, tiger."

_Her_

When the doorbell rings, Hikari fishes out an old sweatshirt of Taichi and slips it over her tank top. Even though the night isn't all that much cooler than earlier in the day, she feels the need for a physical buffer. Maybe some of her brother's courage will even seep through the sweatshirt.

As she heads out of the bedroom, she knows that Tailmon has already opened the door, because Patamon is flying toward her at full speed, shouting, "Hikari!"

She catches the Digimon in her arms with a grin. She misses his cheerful presence almost as much as she misses Takeru. "Patamon, how are you?"

"I miss you!" he replies. "Why don't you ever come visit?"

Hikari strokes his ears fondly. To him, divorce merely means that Takeru and Hikari no longer live together. If it were only that simple. "I've been busy, but maybe soon," she says, using her tried and true excuse that nobody but the childlike Digimon would believe.

"Hello Hikari."

She tenses at the familiar voice and forces herself to look up from the orange Digimon and meet Takeru's eyes. It is hard to face him. Does he hate her for leaving without saying goodbye the morning after? And what is he going to say when she tells him her news?

Thankfully, he looks calm today, though a bit disheveled and sweaty. She catches a faint whiff of alcohol; she can't help wondering if he just came from a bar and, if so, whether there are good-looking girls present.

Tailmon surveys the two of them from her place in Takeru's arms, curiosity evident on her face. She knows that something happened the last time Takeru and Hikari were together, and whatever it was had something to do with the secret divulged to Miyako and Sora earlier, although Hikari would not share details with her partner.

"Hello Takeru, welcome," she says, marveling at the evenness of her tone. "Do you want anything?"

He shakes his head. "I'm fine," he says, glancing around the apartment. Judging by his slight frown, he does not like it, although he tells her after a pause, "The apartment is very nice."

Hikari gives him a half-smile as she leads him to the only chair in the apartment and he looks slightly embarrassed as he sits down, as if he were a little boy caught lying. She leans against the wall and watches with a fond smile as Patamon flutters over to the balcony to marvel at the view. Tailmon hops off Takeru's lap and joins Hikari's side.

Takeru breaks the silence.

"About that night –" Hikari flinches. She wraps her arms about her abdomen, though she forces herself to look straight at him as he speaks. "I'm really sorry. About what I said – and what I did – I didn't mean –"

"It's okay," she says, willing herself to mean it. "We were both very drunk. It's not your fault."

For some reason, he looks disappointed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shifts her eyes to the kitchen table, focusing on a small scar on the wooden surface. She does want to talk about it, except he already said everything she expects to hear. He was sorry, he didn't mean anything he said or did. What does she actually want him to say?

"Not today," she finally says. "I have something else to tell you."

Takeru tenses and she sees his knuckles turn white as he holds onto the chair for support. "What is it?"

"I – we –"

She has imagined delivering the news many times, both during and after their marriage, sometimes even with cake and balloons like those cheesy movies, except when the time comes she cannot even find the right words. Now Tailmon is tugging at her sleeve impatiently.

"I'm pregnant," she blurts out.

He blinks. Then he is staring at her with such open shock on his face that she becomes uneasy. She doesn't harbor hope that he wants the baby, or expects their relationship to be repaired as a result. At the same time, she doesn't want him to think that having the baby is up for discussion, because it isn't.

"I want to keep it," says Hikari.

Takeru seems to snap out of a trance. "I want it too," he tells her. "I am happy."

She nods, sensing that he is being completely sincere. "Thank you."

"When did –" He stops himself. "Have you seen a doctor yet?"

"Miyako recommended her obstetrician and I made an appointment for next week." She bites her lip. "If you would like to come along…"

"I would." His face is very earnest. "And Hikari, if you need anything – please let me know. I – I want to help."

Hikari looks into Takeru's face and allows her arms to drop to her sides. She feels so overwhelmed that she cannot find the words to express her gratitude. In that moment, she desperately wishes that she could bury her face in his chest and allow him to protect her from the world.

But she needs to be strong, for herself and for the baby. So she says only, "Thank you," and hopes that he understands everything she doesn't know how to say.

_Him_

Takeru hasn't seen Hikari since that night, though they exchange short, unimportant emails occasionally. A greeting on her twenty-seventh birthday, for example, or a note of congratulations on a promotion at work. The same sort of emails that might be exchanged between high school friends who haven't seen each other in years.

That night was never mentioned, even though he remembers it so clearly. The horrible things he said to her, and what transpired afterwards. He wished he hadn't been so drunk, because by the time he woke up the next morning she was gone, and he could only catch a glimpse of her car as she drove away.

As far as he knows, neither of them has told anyone, even though he knows that curiosity abounds among their friends. He had started to type an apology many times, or picked up the phone to tell her how sorry he is without the buffer of an email, but had never quite mustered the courage. He wonders whether she wants to talk to him about it now, and if so, what he would tell her. He has never been able to translate his eloquence on paper to conversations with Hikari.

He is not prepared for the conversation that actually transpired when they finally meet.

The first thing he notes when he arrives is that he hates Hikari's apartment. It is small and stuffy, the walls peeling and the floorboards cracked. He can sort of understand why she picked it, for the large windows and the sunny balcony, and he acknowledges her efforts in making the place presentable. Still, she deserves a place that's much better.

While Tailmon greets him with a rare show of affection by jumping into his arms, Hikari emerges from the bedroom, dressed in an oversized sweatshirt passed down from her brother. He watches Patamon greets her with his usual enthusiasm. She looks fragile and exhausted. Her skin is pale to the point of transparency and her oversized sweatshirt only accentuates her thinness. He has to fight against his natural instinct to go over and pull her into his arms.

They greet each other politely enough. He tries to say something nice about the apartment, although she gives him a half-amused smile, knowing that he is lying.

When they are in the kitchen, he seated on the only chair on sight, he tries to apologize before she broaches the topic, except it turns out that she doesn't intend to talk about that night at all. It only serves to heighten his nervousness. Whatever Hikari is about to tell him, it is obviously important enough to break the months of silence between them. While Hikari struggles to find the words, different scenarios run through his head, some hopeful and others foreboding, but he is not prepared when Hikari looks straight into his eyes and tells him.

They are having a baby.

Takeru doesn't know what to say. It shouldn't have come as such a shock – they hadn't bothered with protection that night and of course there would be repercussions – but it does. The universe has to be mocking them.

"I'm going to keep it," Hikari adds timidly.

Takeru realizes that he hasn't spoken in a while and that his silence could be interpreted as a rejection. "I want it too," he says, because the alternatives were never under consideration. Then he awkwardly adds, "I am happy."

She blinks. For a moment he panics that she will take this the wrong way, but she doesn't. "Thank you."

He starts to ask her when she finds out before he stops himself. He doesn't need to deal with the knowledge that he isn't the first person she confides in.

"Have you seen the doctor?"

"Not yet, but Miyako recommended her obstetrician. I made an appointment for next week." Hikari glances at him. "If you would like to come along…"

"I would," he tells her firmly. "And Hikari, if you need anything – please let me know. I – I want to help."

She meets his eyes and smiles. In that moment she looks so lovely and fragile that he wishes he still has the right to protect her. "Thank you," she says again, but this time her words are layered with so much meaning that he is still trying to decipher them when he gets home hours later.

Children, they have always wanted children. Eventually, when everything settles down. When he is a more established author. When she is a more established photographer. When they have a big house with a beautiful yard. Not when they are divorced, when they can't even look at each other. Not when the child will grow up in a broken family, the way he did.

And yet, somehow it doesn't matter too much that the timing is off, or the circumstances are less than desirable. The baby would be theirs, a miracle that they created. The baby will be a reminder that they once were, and now will always be, connected.

Takeru does not sleep that night. Writer's block completely vanquished, he sits in front of his computer, pulls up the manuscript of his first story, and starts typing.

* * *

_**TBC**_


	5. Early Autumn

_Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter. For better or worse, we're halfway through the story now, so for those of you frustrated with our favorite couple (myself included), the end is in sight!_

* * *

**Early Autumn**

_Her_

The baby is a boy.

Hikari puts away the ultrasound results as soon as she gets home from Dr. Noguchi's office. She doesn't want to look at it or think about it. Not because she is disappointed by the gender of the baby – she has always preferred little boys to little girls – but because the ultrasound brings the whole situation into solid reality.

Even weeks later she still has trouble wrapping her mind around it. She isn't ready to be a mother, not the way Miyako was. How could she serve as a beacon of wisdom for her child, doling out advice about how to live his life, when her own is in complete shambles?

Pregnancy also doesn't agree with Hikari, the way it did with her friend. She seems to be constantly nauseous and exhausted. Most days, even when she isn't throwing up or eating ice cream, she feels ugly and bloated, so she stays indoors and avoids the outside world as best as she could.

Sharing the news with everyone only complicates matters.

Telling her parents is difficult. Her father looks shocked, and then torn between looking worried about her and proud that he will be a grandfather. Her mother frowns and pulls her into the kitchen, deciding that it is a good time to revisit the topic of divorce. Hikari feels otherwise. She doesn't like thinking about divorces in general, and Yuuko Yagami is just so blatantly on Takeru's side that she feels suffocated by her mother's inability to understand her perspective. Eventually, her parents promise their full support. Her mother, especially, starts gushing about all the things she could do for the baby, including infant recipes she could find online.

Although Hikari appreciates the gesture, she makes a mental note to never let her mother babysit her son alone.

Telling the rest of the Chosen Children is awkward. Sora and Miyako have not shared the news, not even with their own husbands, although for once Hikari wishes that Miyako would be indiscreet. A lifetime ago, Hikari envisioned that she and Takeru would tell everyone together over a celebratory meal. Now, they divide up the task of telling everyone. Hikari is in charge of telling Mimi, Daisuke, and Koushiro, while Takeru is in charge of telling Yamato, Iori, Ken, and Jyou. With the exception of Mimi and Daisuke, everyone seems torn between wanting to congratulate them and wanting to be tactful. Mimi is her usual cheerful self and Daisuke is his usual straightforward self.

"How did that happen?" he demands, before Hikari blushes. Then he puts the puzzle pieces together and starts apologizing.

Telling Taichi is just plain weird. She couldn't tell him in person, as he is so far away, so she calls him during one of his conference breaks. When she tells him, however, he says only, "Oh, take care of yourself then," before he hangs up, leaving Hikari with the uneasy feeling that she might have to explain to her son that his uncle Taichi murdered his father.

And speaking of her son's father, she is grateful for Takeru's unwavering support throughout this whole ordeal, for his brave front before their friends and family. Surely his parents' reaction could not have been much more pleasant than her parents', especially because his parents will know the pain of raising a child through a divorce. And the doctor's visits have been awkward. Especially the first appointment, when the nurse casually asked whether he was the husband. Takeru flinched and said, after a painful pause, "I'm the father," which was good enough for whatever paperwork the nurse had to fill out.

She wonders whether she is a horrible person for putting him through this.

The summer passes, giving way into autumn too soon. Hikari takes her maternity leave, too exhausted to return to school despite how much she loves kindergartners. Sora and Miyako keep her company as much as they can, especially Miyako, who makes a habit of coming over with Momoko whenever she isn't programming her sophisticated software. In addition to supervising Hikari's diet, which unfortunately means cutting out ice cream altogether, she also helps Hikari prepare for the baby's arrival and lends her Momoko's old crib. Hikari hasn't realized before just how many things a baby needs, or how many things she needs to learn, and is thankful for her friend's guidance.

One morning, while Momoko is engrossed in the cartoon playing on Hikari's secondhand television, Miyako asks casually, "Have you thought of a name yet?"

Hikari, who is trying to figure out the difference between the five new bottles Miyako told her to purchase, glances up. "No, we haven't talked about it."

"Are you going to?"

"Well, I was going to let Takeru decide," Hikari confesses. "I mean, my dad picked Taichi's name and my mom picked my name."

Miyako frowns. "That logic doesn't make sense," she says. "I know for a fact that my mom picked my oldest brother's name. Besides," she adds, leaning over, "don't you have a name in mind when you talk to your baby?"

Hikari blinks. Was she supposed to? Well, that just proves she will be a bad mother. "Then you knew Momoko was going to be Momoko?"

"Of course," says Miyako, smiling fondly at her daughter. "I knew my baby is Momoko almost right after I found out she's a girl. The name sang to me the moment I saw it."

Miyako's words leave Hikari pensive. She really did believe that Takeru should pick their son's name, but now she supposes it doesn't hurt if she could have a temporary placeholder. After all, she has been addressing the baby as just Baby in her mind, and maybe that's a bit silly.

Picking a name, even a temporary name, isn't as easy as Hikari envisioned. She doesn't know what it means to have a name sing to her, but certainly none of the names she's seen so far do. In her free time she pores through websites and favorite books. She wants the name to be meaningful. Kind of like how her own name strangely foreshadowed her crest of Light, or like how Sora's name foreshadowed her Digimon partner.

She finds the perfect name on one Sunday afternoon, while she is sitting on the balcony, sunbathing with Tailmon on her lap and browsing online novels on her laptop. She immediately writes it down on the corner of her diary before repeating it to herself a few times. To her ears, it does sort of sound like a song.

Somehow, she thinks Takeru will agree.

_Him_

The doorbell rings. When Takeru opens the door, he is met by a punch to the jaw. It doesn't hurt, since it isn't intended to hurt. Nevertheless he stumbles back and ends up on the floor due to shock. Holding his face, he looks up into the face of his assailant.

"Hi Taichi," he says meekly.

"If you don't take good care of her, if you do _anything_ to hurt her," Taichi begins menacingly, before he sighs and runs a hand through his unruly hair. "Forget it. You've heard my spiel before and you'd probably eat your entire hat collection before you do anything of the sort."

"I don't have a hat collection," Takeru protests.

Taichi rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Here."

He extends a hand to help Takeru up, though the younger man looks at it suspiciously. "Are you sure you're done?" he asks. "If you're going to hit me again I'd rather stay right here."

"Good heavens, that wasn't even supposed to hurt," Taichi says, rolling his eyes as Takeru stumbles to his feet on his own. "Besides, there are witnesses present. I give you my word that I'm done with you for the rest of the day."

Takeru glances behind Taichi to see his brother watching the scene with amusement. Sora and Mimi are standing farther back.

"Good enough," he says, allowing himself a smile. "Do the rest of you want to come in?"

Yamato grins and follows Taichi inside the apartment with a swagger. The girls give Takeru a more polite greeting.

"Thanks for having your brother's back, by the way," Takeru remarks, as visitors take their seats around the kitchen table. "I'll make sure to repay that favor sometime."

"Well, if he'd hit you again, I would've done something," his older brother says. "The look on your face is pretty priceless."

Takeru rolls his eyes. He tries and fails to find food in the fridge, and instead passes out cans of diet soda from goodness knows when. He has yet to master the art of grocery shopping.

"So." Yamato claps a hand on Taichi's shoulder. "We're going to be uncles."

Taichi winces and buries his face in his hands, the gesture only partially for theatrical effect. "Please don't remind me," he says. "I'm not ready for this."

Takeru feels sympathy for his former brother-in-law. To Taichi, Hikari is probably forever the little girl with the whistle around her neck. In his mind, she isn't supposed to marry, divorce, and get pregnant within the span of four years.

"How is Hikari?" Yamato asks, more for Taichi and Mimi's benefit than for his own. Takeru knows that Sora has made a habit of checking up on Hikari regularly.

"She's doing well," Takeru says.

He isn't exactly lying. To all appearances, Hikari seems fine, always in decent spirit when he sees her, although that probably means that she is hiding whatever isn't fine. Then again, maybe he is over thinking this. All of her test results have come back normal, the only glitch being her past history of illnesses. Dr. Noguchi privately warned him that she might have a difficult time in labor because of the risk of infections.

Mimi grins, taking Takeru's answer at face value. "Is the nursery all set up?" She glances curiously at the door to the bedroom, which is half-open.

"Yeah, in Hikari's apartment," Takeru says. "Miyako and Sora have been helping her."

He gives Sora a grateful smile, which she returns with a smile of her own. He should be grateful that Hikari has close friends who can help out. However, he doesn't mention that he feels as if he were missing out on an important part of fatherhood, not being able to set up his son's nursery without imposing himself on Hikari. He thinks back with some bitterness to the question his mother asked when she heard the news. _Does that mean you are getting together?_ To which he only shook his head and forcefully stopped himself from saying, _it didn't exactly work out for you and Dad._

"So," says Sora, "I'm sure you are wondering why we suddenly dropped in on you, and especially why Taichi and Mimi flew back to Japan."

"Well, _Taichi_ came back for Hikari and Kanako," Yamato says, with a snigger.

Taichi punches him in the shoulder. Takeru vaguely remembers Kanako as the girl Taichi met and started dating at the anniversary dinner.

"And I am back to visit for a few weeks to promote my new cooking show," Mimi announces, "which means I will plan Hikari's baby shower."

The announcement doesn't have quite the effect she is aiming for. It doesn't help that Mimi said _baby shower_ in English and Takeru has to parse out each word's meaning separately. "Are we showering Hikari with babies?" he says, thinking the idea sounds dumb and just a tad creepy.

Mimi bursts out laughing. "Oh no, nothing of the sort," she says. "It's sort of an American tradition. We're just throwing a small surprise party for Hikari and getting her baby-themed presents. You know, like stuffed animals, picture books. Oh, and I guess useful things like blankets and towels. And diapers, probably."

"We will have more details for you once the planning actually gets underway," Sora says, with a pointed look at Taichi and Yamato.

"It will be fun!" Mimi says.

Takeru is doubtful, but he thanks the women anyway. Maybe the shower will cheer Hikari up. Mimi and Sora talk a bit more about the shower before talk leads elsewhere. The older children's friendship predates their Digimon adventures and their conversation flows easily from one subject to the next. Mimi talks about a new recipe that she is thinking of trying on her fledgling cooking show and Sora immediately suggests a whole array of wardrobe choices to complement the cooking. Then Taichi tries to talk about a new diplomatic deal he is working on before Yamato starts teasing him about Kanako.

Takeru thinks back to the party and sighs. He has an uncomfortable flashback to birthday and holiday parties of years past. Ever since he was a kid, he has always felt that the stress of choosing the right present far outweighs the pleasure of being invited to a party. Something tells him that he isn't supposed to be bringing diapers to the shower.

Eventually, Taichi rises to his feet and mentions that he wants to go check up on Hikari. Mimi offers to come with, while Yamato and Sora prepare to head home.

"Mimi," Takeru says, catching her at the door after the others have already stepped outside. "Do – do _I_ have to give Hikari a present too?"

Mimi regards him before she smiles and he realizes he sounds petulant. "No, you don't have to," she says, "but I think you have one in mind already."

Her prediction takes Takeru by surprise and he is too confused to even say goodbye. Of course he does _not_ have a present in mind; he hasn't even heard of a baby shower until a few hours ago.

After she shuts the door behind him, however, he realizes that she is right. He does have something that he wants to give to Hikari, and while it isn't baby-related, the shower provides the perfect excuse.

_Her_

In hindsight, Hikari really should have been more careful when she goes to the park. It has just been such a long, dull day. The apartment is so small, so cluttered. She would like to visit her Digimon friends, but the journey to the Digital World has become too physically taxing. Most days, it is hard to motivate herself to even get out of bed.

The autumn leaves are beautiful, although Hikari is always sad to see the fallen leaves on the ground, signaling winter's impending arrival. Tailmon, on the other hand, crunches on the dead leaves cheerfully, happy to enjoy the sunshine outside. Hikari feels a twinge of guilt; she knows that her pregnancy has taken a toll on her usually active partner and vows to make it up with a day trip once the baby is born.

They head to the park a few blocks away, which is empty at this time of the day, for the children are still in school and the adults are at work. Here and there Hikari sees an old couple walk by, hand-in-hand, and has to tear her eyes away. She sits down on a bench tucked in the corner, its green paint peeling, and watches Tailmon chase the butterflies. She looks up when the teenager approaches.

He wears a disarmingly friendly smile. "Excuse me," he says. "I think I've lost my way. Where's the closest train station?"

It happens very quickly. When Hikari smiles back and starts to answer, another teenager dashes out from the bushes and snatches her purse. She is still going over directions when they take off.

"Wait!" she calls, trying and failing to get up. Her body feels so heavy and her legs won't support her weight. "That's my bag! Come back!"

Her plea makes little difference.

"Hikari, I got this," says Tailmon, before bounding after them. "You stay here!" she adds over her shoulder.

After both partner and thieves disappear from sight, Hikari collapses against the bench. Shock turns frustration – _why_ was she so naïve? – and ultimately to sadness, and suddenly she cannot stop crying. And she has always thought she is too levelheaded to become one of those stereotypical expectant mothers so often features on screen.

Except she isn't just crying because of her hormones. It is not even the loss of her wallet and favorite pink purse, or the mugging, or the fact that she fell for such a simple trick. It is the crushing feeling of loneliness and helplessness that overwhelms her at last. It is the fact that nothing is right in her world and that she is too weak and pathetic to change anything.

She is tired of pretending to be brave, when she wants nothing more for someone to hold her hand.

Hikari rakes her hands over eyes furiously, but the tears would not stop, as if the floodgates have been opened and everything she's kept inside for the past several months is rushing out. She could only be thankful that the park is deserted.

Tailmon is gone for a long time and the wind is starting to pick up. Hikari does not know for how long she has been sitting there, first crying, then sniffling, and eventually just shivering. Then there is a warm hand rubbing her back, the touch as familiar as the voice that says, "Hey now, it's going to be okay."

Takeru. Somehow his presence doesn't surprise her, because he has always been there when she is in need. She nods, not wanting him to worry.

"Yeah," she manages to say before her voice breaks.

"Tailmon got your purse back," Takeru says, depositing it on her lap. She holds onto it as if her life depends on it. 'The police caught them."

She nods, even though the knowledge offers her very little comfort.

He reaches over to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Hikari," he says softly, "Hikari, please stop crying."

"I'm not," she says defensively, and then realizes that she is lying because there are still tears running down her face. She tries, once more, to wipe her face with the back of her hand.

Quietly, he hands her a packet of tissues and she almost uses up the whole packet before she feels presentable again. His hand rests on her shoulder the entire time, a reassuring presence. When she finally looks up at him, she almost immediately averts her eyes from his worried face.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"It was just a meeting," he says.

"A meeting with a really important publisher!" Tailmon pipes up for the first time, hopping on the bench beside Hikari. She is holding Hikari's cell phone.

She turns to him, startled. "Takeru, a publisher!"

"Not as important as –" Takeru shakes his head. "Never mind. Do you think you could get up? I'll get a taxi…let's go home."

She nods and stands up, again clutching her purse tightly. Her legs feel wobbly beneath her and she is grateful for his steadying hand on her arm as they make their way out of the park. He leaves her only briefly, to hail a taxi, before he returns and helps her into the backseat. Once both she and Tailmon are settled, Takeru tells the driver their destination.

The address is so familiar to her ears that Hikari doesn't realize immediately that it isn't _her_ address. Takeru seems to have read her mind. "We're going home," he tells her simply.

She is too tired to argue, too tired to protest the arm encircling her shoulders, so she closes her eyes and allows him to draw her close. It is so comforting to feel protected that she drifts off, clinging to his jacket. She is vaguely aware of the taxi stopping and Takeru trying – and failing – to wake her.

When she opens her eyes again, night has fallen. She is no longer in the taxi, but lying in a familiar room, on a familiar bed.

Hikari turns her head. He is lying beside her, staring up at the ceiling. A respectful distance remains between their bodies. She turns away to face the wall before he notices that she is awake, and falls asleep again.

_Him_

Takeru wakes in a panic and only lets out the breath he is holding when he sees that Hikari has not left. She is in a seated position, both hands resting on her swollen belly, frowning as if she were focused on something very important. Her eyes are still red and puffy from crying.

When she notices him watching her, she gives him a shy smile, and he is reminded of the first time he met her, in the wreckage of the Tokyo Tower after they thought they had defeated Vandemon. Things were so much simpler when all they had to do was fight homicidal Digimon.

"Are you feeling all right?" he asks her, forcing himself back to the present.

Hikari nods. "The baby is moving," she says. She then leans in slightly, as if she were confiding a big secret. "Do you want to –"

Takeru nods before she finishes. She takes his hands in her own cold ones, and he almost pulls away, remembering what happened the last time they were on this bed together. Then she puts them gently on her stomach, and through the sweater, he feels the tiny fluttering kicks of his son.

He looks at her, feeling as if he has just witnessed a miracle. In this moment, he feels such overwhelming love for Hikari that he cannot find the right words to say. He only wants to kiss her and chase all of her fears and uncertainties away, because he knows that she is just as terrified as he is at becoming a parent.

He moves to put one of his hands on her shoulder, so that his arm is around her thin shoulders. He finds his courage when she does not move from his touch.

"Hikari," he says, the words coming out in a rush, "please stay here. Stay here with me, at least – at least until the baby is born."

She looks both grateful and terrified. "Takeru, I can't –"

"Please," he says. "I just – just can't –" The words come stumbling out. "Hikari, if what happened yesterday afternoon happens again – what if I'm not around? I will never forgive myself for not protecting you. Both of you."

She bites her lip. Then she lowers her eyes and swallows. "Okay," she says at last, a simple word that sends hope surging through him. "Okay, I will stay until…I'll stay."

"Thank you," he whispers.

He tightens his arm around her, to pull her just a little closer, and is surprised when she lays her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes. Her hands fall to her belly once more, and one of her hands brushes against his, lingering long enough to be deliberate. She lets out a soft sigh and her breathing evens.

_She will not leave today._

Heartened by the realization, Takeru presses his lips against her temple before he closes his eyes to join her in slumber.

* * *

_**TBC**_


	6. Late Autumn

_I apologize for deviating from the schedule of updating every other Friday. This chapter is difficult to write. I don't know if anyone else has the same problem, but often I look forward to writing parts of a story (e.g. the park scene last chapter is one of my favorite scenes to write) than others. So the draft of the chapter I had last Friday was terrible._

_Now that it's finally done, however, I can promise that the rest of the story will be on schedule._

* * *

**Late Autumn**

_Him_

The Chosen Children accept Takeru and Hikari's newest living arrangement as yet another episode in their endless soap opera. Whatever they think of the situation, they keep it to themselves. Yamato does suggest to Takeru, with his usual cheek, that perhaps he should consider switching career into scriptwriting. After all, he points out, his life provides plenty of fresh material, to which he is rewarded by a punch in the shoulder.

Takeru isn't quite sure whether anything substantial has changed between him and Hikari, even though sometimes he can almost imagine that they are once more a normal couple, as if things have come full circle since the night she left. That isn't to say that domestic bliss is at hand. While they are not avoiding each other, per se, but they are also not actively seeking each other out.

When married they had never been a particularly talkative couple, and that does not change now. After he is home from work, they spend the evening in fairly comfortable silence. They make polite conversation over dinner and exchange stories about their respective days. Afterwards, she usually reads or watches television in the living room, while he goes back to his study to keep working.

Sleeping arrangement is another potentially delicate area that they sidestep. After the first night, he has taken to sleeping on a futon in the study, citing work as the reason, lest she thinks of an excuse to sleep on the couch. The Digimon keep her company, and from what Patamon tells him, Hikari sleeps well most of the time.

In the meantime, Sora and Mimi continue with the preparations with the baby shower and choose Takeru's apartment as the location. On the morning of the shower, Miyako shows up and has little difficulty convincing Hikari to go with her for a stroll around the neighborhood. Takeru also clears out to allow the women full reign over the apartment, retreating to his office where his boss has scheduled a rare weekend meeting.

When he returns, he is impressed with Sora and Mimi's handiwork, from the table full of presents and finger foods to the baby-themed decorations around the apartment. There are pastel-colored balloons tied to all the chairs and a cake – courtesy of Mimi – shaped like a Digi-Egg. All of their close friends and he quickly joins Yamato and Sora just as the front door opens to admit Hikari and Miyako.

Hikari's eyes grow round when she is greeted by the festivities. She glances at each of the Chosen Children in turn before she identifies the masterminds.

"Thank you, this is amazing," she says, hugging each of Sora, Mimi, and Miyako in turn. "What is all this about?"

"It's a baby shower," Mimi announces.

"You're showering me with babies?" she says, eyeing at the presents suspiciously. "I think one is enough, to be honest."

"No, it's a party to celebrate your baby," Miyako explains. "Every expecting mother has one!"

"But Miyako, _you_ didn't," Hikari points out, although her mouth is quirking into a smile.

Miyako just rolls her eyes as she steers Hikari towards the table. Amidst more hugging and laughter, Hikari unwraps and marvels over the presents, which range from the more traditional blankets and stuffed animals to the less conventional mini guitar and goggles.

Even though Takeru has found the idea cheesy in the beginning, he decides that all of the efforts are worth the genuinely happy smile that Hikari wears for the rest of the afternoon and the delight she expresses for the surprise. The shower also functions as a reunion for the Chosen Children, which proves to be far more pleasant than the reunion at the anniversary dinner. While still keenly aware that he is divorced, he has not felt this comfortable in everyone's company in a long time.

"That was nice," Hikari says, after all of their friends have left. She is fingering the toy guitar, still smiling. "I feel like I'm eight years old again."

"I do too," he says. "Although I was always the weird kid with the hat so I never enjoyed birthday parties back then."

"You were _not_," she says. She stops smiling and looks very perturbed by his revelation. "I distinctly remember you coming to my birthday party and being a big hit with all my friends."

He doesn't remember the party in quite the same way, but he chooses not to argue the point. It means enough that Hikari cares. Besides, he has news that he has been waiting to share.

"My book is going to be published," he tells her. He has not told anyone else yet.

Hikari's face lights up, once she understands what he said. "That's great, congratulations!"

"Thank you." Now comes the harder part. "I will need to leave for a week at the end of the month," he says. "There are a few details that I need to work out and some promotional events that I need to attend."

She nods slowly. "That makes sense. Where will you be?"

"Osaka," he says. "I tried to reschedule, but –"

Her eyes widen. "Takeru, don't."

"I couldn't."

He wonders if he is imagining the look of disappointment that flashes by her face. "I'm very happy for you," she says. "All of our friends will be so proud."

He starts to ask, _will you be okay,_ but thinks better of it. That would be presumptuous of him. She has been okay living on her own the past few months, hasn't she? And the baby isn't due until December, he will be back by then.

"Here," he says, handing her a loosely wrapped package. Perhaps it merits a more elaborate presentation, but the timing is as good as any.

She looks down at it before turning her eyes back to him.

"It's a present," he says. "If we keep going with the birthday party analogy, everyone needs to bring a present."

His explanation sounds a bit ridiculous even to his own ear. He could tell that she's trying not to laugh.

"Can I open it?" Hikari asks, and when he nods, she unveils a stack of pages, newly bound. He studies her face closely as she scans the cover page, which states the title and the author. _Digimon Adventures: Journey to a New World. Takeru Takaishi. _However, he cannot read her expression.

"It's the story," he says unnecessarily. "You've always wanted to read it, and now it's finally finished. So I want you to be the first reader."

Her grip on the book tightens and it seems like an eternity before she raises her head to meet his eyes once more. "I can't wait to read it," she says, tenderness and understanding on her face as she leans over and kisses him on the cheek.

It is that look that keeps replaying in his mind when he gets the call, far from home weeks later, that Hikari is in the hospital.

_Her_

_For my best friends, who taught me the meaning of hope._

Night has fallen and Hikari has yet to turn past the dedication page. She leans against the armrest of the sofa, the book propped up against her knees. The apartment is quiet, save the occasional laughter from Tailmon and Patamon, who are playing an old board game in the bedroom.

She glances down at the book again. It is the first time since pre-high school days that Takeru is sharing his writing with her. With anyone other than his editor, really. Once she heard Yamato remark that despite how friendly Takeru seems, he isn't always comfortable expressing himself. His writings are the window to his innermost thoughts, akin to Yamato's songs.

At the time, although she understood his need to privacy, she resented that she wasn't allowed into his world. She was supposed to be his best friend, his girlfriend. Now that he is laying everything before her, she isn't sure if she deserves to know.

The phone rings.

"Hey, it's me," Takeru says, even though she guesses before even answering. "I just wanted to check in and see how everything is at home."

"Everything is good," she says. "How was your trip?"

"It's good, I'm at my hotel now, but I will be meeting a few authors for drinks in a bit." He sounds a little embarrassed. "You know, networking."

Hikari nods into the receiver. "That sounds fun," she says, genuinely hoping that he enjoys himself. "Well, you should probably get ready."

"Okay," he says. "You take care. I will talk to you later."

Only after she hears a click on the other end does Hikari replace the receiver carefully. Then she sighs and rubs her eyes. She didn't realize how much she has come to rely on Takeru's presence until she watched his taxi disappear from sight. He just left this morning and already the week without him stretches out before her. The phone call only serves to make her more forlorn.

The sardonic voice in her mind, sounding somehow like a mixture of Tailmon and Taichi, reminds her that this is exactly why she wanted a divorce.

_Are you regretting that you drove him away?_ It asks her snidely. _Do you like being the one left behind this time?_

She needs to distract herself from these questions, so she retrieves the book and finally flips to the first chapter.

The first thing she notices is that his writing has become much more polished since his boyhood days. The prose is elegant and the imagery is vivid. She finds herself becoming engrossed in the story, even though she has heard the account many times over the years. For the first time, she is seeing the Digital World through eight-year-old Takeru's eyes, who thought he was going to summer camp with his brother and friends, only to be thrust into where digital creatures came alive, confronted with evil and loss. In comparison, her transition into a Chosen Child was smoother, as she could rely on the experience that the others had gained.

The story becomes difficult to read at several points. She has often heard of Angemon's sacrifice, though never from Takeru directly. The passage describing Angemon and Devimon's battle is heartrending and she aches for the little boy who had to witness the death of his best friend. She could not imagine the grief he felt watching his partner disappear and the renewed hope he felt when he received Angemon's Digi-Egg.

She also finds the story difficult to read later on, after she joined the adventures. She has always wondered, rather vainly, how she would be portrayed in his writings. After years of speculation, his directness is almost disconcerting. _Even though it was strange at first not to be the baby of the group, even though I was a little jealous of the attention she received from the other children,_ Takeru writes, _I was very glad to have a new best friend who's my age, and even more glad that I have someone to take care of. As the two of us looked up at the mysterious fog that persisted even in light of Vandemon's death, I made a promise to myself that I would protect her, the way the others protected me._

Hikari thinks back to the painful evening, to the accusation she threw at him. _You shouldn't stay with me out of obligation…right? _There. This is his answer. It has never been about obligation.

And really, he has already answered her many times. The very fact that he cared about their baby, that he came to her rescue in the park, that he let her back into his life without a single word of reproach, speaks volumes about how much he cares. Unintentionally, she has taken him for granted in her blind determination to find fault in their marriage.

It is twilight when she finishes the story. She feels completely drained, as if she has fought the Dark Masters once more. No, not exactly_,_ she decides, standing on the balcony and inhaling the cool night air. She has just fought a few demons who have been accompanying her for the past several years.

She feels so at peace that when the time comes and the contractions begin, she is caught completely unaware.

_No, this can't happen,_ she thinks in a panic. The baby isn't due for another two weeks. She isn't supposed to go through this alone. Takeru is supposed to be here.

There is another contraction and Hikari has to hold onto the edge of the balcony to avoid a fall. She grits her teeth, remembering the determined little girl portrayed in Takeru's book. She can and will take care of herself.

"Tail – Tailmon," she manages to call. "It's time."

_Him_

Takeru knows that something is amiss when he gets out of his last meeting of the day to return and find over twenty missed calls on his cell phone from five different Chosen Children. He does not even bother checking the voicemails before he dials Sora's number, and while the phone rings on the other end he can hear his own heart pounding.

"How is Hikari?" he asks immediately, as soon as he hears her pick up.

"In the hospital," Sora says, not wasting any time on details. "I'm here too."

"Is she –"

"Everything is okay, she just went into labor early," she interrupts, before Takeru's mind could conjure horrible possibilities. "How soon can you get back?"

"Right now," Takeru replies, ignoring the fact that he has a dinner reception the next evening.

"Your flight –"

"There's got to be another way," he says, because there is no way that he will get a flight back to Tokyo in time. He thinks for a moment before his eyes fall thoughtfully on his computer. "I could go into the Digital World and find a gate back home," he says slowly. "I just need to activate the gate on my laptop."

He could tell that Sora isn't quite as enthusiastic by her lengthy silence. Digital gates tend to be temperamental and Takeru wouldn't be the first Chosen Child to end up somewhere unexpected in an attempt to use them as alternate transportation.

"Takeru, I don't think –" she begins, but he cuts her off.

"Sora, my _son_ is being born," he reminds her. Then, more quietly, he adds, "And Hikari needs me."

She sighs, conceding the point. "Let me get Koushiro and Miyako on this. The last thing we need is to have you end up on another continent."

By some miracle, between Koushiro's sheer genius and Miyako's stubbornness, Takeru only ends up in the wrong place once before he finds a gate that leads back to Odaiba. By the time he reaches the hospital, less than two hours have elapsed since his call to Sora, and he feels as if he has just run a marathon around the world.

Taichi greets him at the door. He looks as if he has run a marathon of his own, and Takeru could only emphasize. Hospitals and Hikari don't mix well. There was the time when she almost died from pneumonia at the age of five. There was also the time in high school when she was hit by a car while biking. She suffered a broken arm and a minor concussion, though she recovered pretty quickly. Nevertheless, Takeru remembers he skipped the championship basketball game that weekend so he would be there when she woke up, only to find that Taichi was skipping three college exams to do the same thing.

"Everything is okay," Taichi assures him, before he could catch enough breath to ask. "Congratulations on becoming a father!"

Takeru almost collapses with relief. He has to hold onto the wall to stay upright.

"You probably want to see them," Taichi guesses, when he still cannot manage to make a sound. "Come on, they've been waiting for you too."

He begins leading the way down the hall. Takeru follows.

"No punching this time?" he says, though his weak attempt at a joke does little to dispel his anxiety.

Taichi turns to him with a very serious expression. "To be quite honest," he says, "the overprotective brother in me wants to _strangle_ you for putting her through all of this. Not just today, but everything."

"I'm sorry," Takeru begins, but the older man shakes his head.

"You don't need to apologize," he says, "because the rational side of me realizes that this isn't your fault alone. I love Hikari, I try to take care of her as best as I can, but there is only so much that I can do for her. I can't protect her from mistakes and regrets. I can't protect her from heartbreak." He eyes Takeru. "Or breaking other people's hearts."

Takeru bows his head.

"I'm sure you know Hikari just as well as I do, probably even better," he continues. "She keeps everything inside. She sees problems where there aren't any and wants to blame herself for things that have nothing to do with her. But if you tell her that everything is fine, she will never believe you."

By then, they have made their way to Hikari's hospital room, where most of their friends and some of their family are congregated outside.

"Misunderstandings," Taichi finishes quietly, "can lead to terrible things."

The door opens and Sora exits, followed by Hikari's parents. Yuuko and Susumu give Takeru supportive smiles before they join the others. Sora, on the other hand, exchanges a long look with Taichi, having heard his last statement. Watching them, Takeru couldn't help wondering whether that look may have once contained something more. Out of loyalty to his brother and concern for Hikari, he does not pursue the train of thought.

Sora hugs him quickly. "You ready?" she asks, glancing at the door that the nurse is holding open.

Takeru turns to Taichi, suddenly terrified. "Are you coming in?"

Taichi shakes his head. "It's your family," he says, giving him a gentle shove toward the door. Both he and Sora are wearing encouraging smiles. "We will wait outside."

_Her_

Hikari feels completely exhausted. Nothing could have prepared her for the intense experience that childbirth brings. At the same time, she desperately and stubbornly hangs onto consciousness, despite suggestions to the contrary by both the doctor and her parents.

"He's here," Sora murmurs quietly, glancing up from her cell phone while Hikari's parents are fawning over their new grandson. "Taichi's gone down to get him."

Hikari nods, because she never doubts that he would come as soon as humanly possible.

"Do you…?" Sora's voice trails off, looking concerned as she lays a cool hand on Hikari's fevered forehead.

She nods again. The choice is never in doubt. "I'd like to see him," she whispers, and Sora nods before she goes over to communicate the wish to Yuuko and Susumu.

Takeru enters very slowly. If she weren't so tired and in so much pain, she would've laughed at the sight he made in his crumpled suit and messy blonde hair. He looks as if he has run all the way here from Osaka, and later she would find that she isn't too far off the mark. He seems to be in a trance, especially after their son is put into his arms. He stares at the little boy and she could tell, even from a distance, that he is blinking back tears.

Only after the nurse leaves with the baby and the door shuts gently behind her does he turn toward her. She does not have the strength to sit up, so she holds his gaze as best as she could lying down.

He comes over to sit next to her. For a while he says nothing, but then he reaches over and brushes away a few strands of hair from her sweaty forehead. His touch is gentle, as if he is afraid that she will shatter into pieces, and his eyes are full of regret. Because she knows that he is readying himself to apologize for not being here when the baby is born, she speaks first.

"I thought of a name for him," she says. They haven't discussed baby names yet, so this is as good a time to bring it up as any.

"What is it?" he asks.

"I want to name him Kouki." She adds, by way of explanation, "It sang to me."

He does not say anything for a while, but when he does he is smiling. "I think it's perfect," he assures her. "Kouki Yagami."

"Kouki _Takaishi_," she corrects him, her voice weak but firm.

Her eyes bore into his, beseeching him to understand. He once confided that he has always resented that he and his mother do not share the same name as his father and Yamato, because sometimes he feels as if they are not part of the same family. She does not want her son to grow up feeling this way, nor does she ever want Takeru to feel that he is not part of his child's life. Or hers.

Hikari lets out a small breath of relief when he reaches for her hand.

"Thank you," he whispers, squeezing it in both of his, and she smiles at him before she finally allows the darkness to claim her.

* * *

_**TBC**_

* * *

_****A quick note on the baby's timing: Yamato and Sora's anniversary dinner took place in the first two weeks of March, so Kouki's due date would be in the first half of December._


	7. Winter into Spring

_Thanks for everyone's response to the last chapter!_

_For those who are wondering: the kanji for the name Kouki consists of the character for light (kou) and the character for hope (ki). I picked out this name years ago, when I first started Perhaps Love, because I thought it would be perfect for Hikari and Takeru's son. Cheesy yes, but you must agree that it fits!_

_(I don't actually speak Japanese so I can't explain why 'kou' and 'hikari' both represent the same light character. If anyone knows please let me know!)_

_This chapter is the last full chapter of the story, but not the last, and might raise some questions that will be answered by the epilogue. Enjoy!_

* * *

**Winter into Spring**

_Him_

Even before he reaches the top of the stairs, Takeru could hear the baby crying through the closed apartment door. While he scrambles to fish out the keys from his bag, Tailmon opens the door. Hikari is following closely behind, a bottle in one hand and Kouki balanced on her other hip.

"Just in time," she says, handing him the baby. "I was trying to warm the bottle but someone here got ahead of me."

She presses a kiss to Kouki's crumpled face before he buries it in his father's shirt.

Takeru could not help chuckling. For someone who is so good with kindergartners, Hikari can be at times clueless when it comes to babies. He often finds her devouring the parenting books she inherited from Miyako, as if they would initiate her on the wisdom of motherhood.

He starts patting his son on the back, murmuring soothing words, and sure enough, the boy quiets and settles himself more comfortably against his father's shoulder.

Hikari is smiling and shaking her head. "What would we do without you?" she asks, and without waiting for an answer, she heads back into the kitchen.

Takeru steps inside and Tailmon shuts the door behind him. To be quite honest, he sometimes wonders about the very thing. Kouki looks so much like Hikari, with the same brown eyes and soft brown hair, that the resemblance frightens him. He is haunted by the thought that one day, she could just disappear with their son, and there will be nothing he can do to lay claim to either of them.

Of course, it is an irrational fear, so he does not dwell on it too much. In the meantime he is content enough that Hikari chose to stay with him even after the baby is born, that he can come home to his family every day. This past Christmas was special in so many ways. They spent Christmas Eve with his parents, Yamato, and Sora, although Takeru was most content to spend Christmas morning with Hikari and Kouki. Just the three of them, enjoying the snow through the window.

The arrangement probably won't last forever, because Hikari plans on returning to teaching in the spring and still owns the lease on her apartment, but he will cross that bridge when the time comes. He has learned that too often, there's no gain in looking too far ahead into the future.

After Kouki has his bottle and is put down for a nap, they eat dinner and Takeru offers to do the dishes. Afterwards, he finds Hikari in the living room, where she is curled up on the couch with both Tailmon and Patamon on her lap. Her head is propped up on one hand and her eyes keep fluttering shut, even though she is watching one of her favorite programs. Soon, he promises silently, when work calms down, he will try to stay home and help her out more.

He sits down on the other side of the couch and waits until a chocolate commercial interrupts the figure skating competition to speak.

"I'm going to be on NHK tomorrow."

He is greeted by a pair of puzzled brown eyes and two pairs of curious blue eyes.

Hikari is the first to recover. "You're going to be on television?" she repeats, before she puts the pieces together and brightens. NHK is one of the biggest stations in Japan. "It's for your book, isn't it?"

His book has been far more successful than either he or Suzuki could have ever imagined. His pictures and interviews have been featured in major newspapers and magazines, although this would be his first television appearance.

He nods. "I'm going to be interviewed on _Kumiko's Books_."

"What's that?" Patamon demands.

"And who's Kumiko?" adds Tailmon, her ears twitching.

"She's one of the ladies on television and _Kumiko's Books_ is her show," Hikari says, giving Takeru a shrug. It isn't always easy explaining human occupations to Digimon. "She reads lots of books and is really good at finding _really_ good books. Then she recommends it to her audience and invites the author to talk about it, but only for the very best ones." She grins at him. "And we all know Takeru's written an amazing book."

Takeru flushes at the compliment, even though he has heard various versions of it from friends, family, strangers, and Hikari herself.

"Oh." Patamon nods slowly. "When is it? I want to watch Takeru!"

"This Saturday night, at 7pm on NHK," Takeru replies, though he is still looking at Hikari. "Will _you_ watch it?"

The words sound arrogant to his ears, as Hikari is certainly not a regular viewer of _Kumiko's Books_, although she doesn't appear to think so. She nods immediately, her eyes bright with excitement.

"Of course," she says. "It's your big moment. I wouldn't miss it."

The commercials end and Hikari turns back to the television screen. Takeru watches her delicate profile and gives an imperceptible nod.

_Her_

Hikari is seated in front of her television at six fifty-five, the channel tuned to NHK and Kouki sucking on a bottle in her arms. Tailmon and Patamon are curled up beside her. The four of them sit through the last few minutes of a serial drama and a few commercials before the talk show starts.

Kumiko Murakami, the hostess of _Kumiko's Books_, greets the audience with a big grin. Though she is in her forties, she has a very young laugh that never fails to engage the audience in her quips and antics. Wearing a bright pink suit, she starts off the show with a few jokes about the weather, somehow leading that into a discussion of recent bestsellers, before she mentions _Digimon Adventure: Journey to a New World._

"It is currently breaking sales records all throughout Japan," she says as she concludes her introduction, "_and_ the author is incredibly attractive. Are we ready to meet him?"

The audience responds with enthusiastic applause, and amidst the cheering Takeru joins Kumiko onstage. A fond smile passes over her face as Hikari watches Takeru take the seat across from the hostess. He looks very handsome in his suit, especially as the navy tie brings out the blue of his eyes. She remembers how much her hands were trembling earlier as she tried to fix the tie.

She bends and kisses the top of Kouki's fuzzy head.

"See Kouki?" she says, taking one of his little hands and waving it at the screen. "That's Daddy."

"Takeru looks very good," Patamon says proudly.

"Hush," Tailmon says, as the hostess starts speaking.

"Well, Takeru, it's very nice to have you here today," she says. "I must first congratulate you on your novel. It's no exaggeration to say that it is a _complete_ sensation and we are delighted to have you here with us today."

"Thank you," says Takeru. Hikari could tell that he is nervous by the way his hands are clenched on his lap. "I'm very flattered to be a guest on your show."

The audience cheers. Hikari notes that more than half is female.

"Sounds like the audience is ready, so let's get the show started," Kumiko says cheerfully. "Let's start with an easy question. Do you think you could give us some insight into the writing process?"

"Well, it's definitely not easy," says Takeru. "I've been writing this story on and off since I was in elementary school, although I didn't realize that I wanted to write a full account of our adventures. I hadn't known that it would become such a big endeavor. Mostly I just needed to write things down because there are – well, there are certain parts of the adventure that are too painful, and writing them down helped me to come to terms with what happened."

"Understandable," Kumiko says. "Much like how jilted women write innumerous blog posts about their ex-boyfriends."

Takeru cracks a smile. "Yes, though without the bitterness, I hope," he says. "I didn't think about publishing it either. It's a very personal story and I didn't know if I was ready to let the others into this part of my life. Not to mention, you know, I wasn't always the best writer."

Hikari chuckles as the audience bursts into laughter. Nervous though Takeru might be, he is charming the crowd.

"I did lots of writing in high school and college, but the turning point really happened when I met a great editor who convinced me that the story I have to tell is special, and in fact, a story like this must be told in a personal manner to engage the audience." Takeru gives a self-deprecating laugh. "I am not exaggerating when I tell you that he asked me to rewrite nearly two decades worth of work to achieve this. And I'm very glad he did."

"Why don't you give us an example of a passage that you had to rework?" Kumiko says. "I can guarantee that all of us know the book by heart and can follow along quite easily!"

Takeru thinks for a moment. "I would say the chapter where I lost my partner," he says, his tone suddenly very subdued. "It was – it was _very_ hard to write at first. I didn't want to relive that moment, didn't want to revisit the pain. Except I realize that the moment, really a coming of age moment for me, is defined by pain, and I can't run away from it."

The hostess nods solemnly. "The part where you lose your partner is indeed very heart wrenching and extremely poignantly portrayed. I feel that you give us an open window into what's going on in your mind and it's so well done that I feel almost as if I were experiencing your pain."

Hikari feels a twinge of protectiveness at the thinly disguised pain on Takeru's face. "Yes, and I must say that what happened in that chapter, it really defined the rest of my adventures in the Digital World," he says. "Before then, I still had this innocent view that this new world was fun and different. But after that happened, I came to terms with things that usually eight-year-olds can't comprehend. And I know that whatever I do, I can never allow myself to put my partner in such a dangerous situation again."

"Digimon are reborn after they die, aren't they?"

"That's true," says Takeru, "but I didn't know it then, and even so it doesn't lessen the emotional impact of seeing them disappear right before your eyes."

"You've done admirably," Kumiko says. "As an eight-year-old boy you've experienced and accomplished far more than men many times your age."

"Thank you."

"Now, let's move on to a more general topic," she says. "Many readers are already wondering whether there will be a second novel, and whether you can tell us about how your second adventure compares to the first. Are there similar defining moments that changed who you are?"

"The first question is easy to answer: yes, there will be a second novel, my editor will make sure of that."

The audience and Kumiko laugh appreciatively.

"As for the second question…" Takeru considers. "It's difficult to evaluate our second adventure in the same way," he says. "When we first went to the Digital World, we were immersed there. We basically could not return home until we saved the world, so to speak, so there was a more pressing sense of urgency. We had to fight for our survival. When we went back three years later, it was almost as an extracurricular activity, since we could technically return home whenever we wanted to, which isn't necessarily less difficult because we had to balance our real lives and our digital lives."

"That's certainly true," says Kumiko. "Then –"

"But there is one particular time," Takeru cuts in, uncharacteristically rude. "It – it defined me in a different way, though it is no less significant. I had a very good friend, who went through the first adventure with me. She was – she was very much a child, like me. Younger than all the others, and even less experienced than I was in the new world. The older children told me to take care of her, but I would've done so without them telling me. And I did my best, except I failed."

Kumiko sits up, as does Hikari. She is keenly aware of Tailmon and Patamon watching her. Even Kouki is unusually still, as if he senses his mother's tension.

"You failed?" Kumiko prods gently.

"There was a time when she needed my help, because I was the only person who could help her," Takeru says, his voice catching, "and instead of helping her, I said a few things that came across as cruel. Then she disappeared into a dark world and I thought I would go crazy because I did not know where she was and couldn't protect her. I thought I lost her forever and I realized for the first time just how much she meant to me, beyond – beyond friendship. I had to go find her, save her, even if it meant jumping off a bridge at the sound of her voice."

His voice breaks and he heaves a couple of deep breaths. Hikari feels tears well up in her eyes as she presses her knuckle against her mouth. She remembers that day at the beach all too well. When she casts her mind back, she finds herself remembering how blue his eyes were when he looked at her, against the monochrome backdrop.

"I suppose we will need to read the sequel to learn the details," Kumiko says, tactfully giving Takeru a moment to collect himself. "We hope it won't take you too long to write it!"

He manages a smile. "It's still in the works, so I guess I shouldn't give anything else away."

"Do humor us though," she says, her eyes twinkling. "I think all your faithful readers have a pretty good idea of who your friend is. Your story has a rather happy ending, doesn't it? Dare I say…you married her."

"Yes," Takeru says, after a pause. "Yes, I married her."

His response is met by a wave of applause and some disappointed sighs from the audience. Hikari stares at her knees, not sure whether it is a good thing that Takeru makes no mention of his marital status in his author's biography.

"Well, that just about wraps up the interview," Kumiko says cheerily. "Thank you so much for your time, Takeru. Any parting thoughts you'd like to leave us with?"

"Yes, I do actually." Takeru takes a deep breath. "You know, I am an author, but I'm actually not that great with the spoken word. It's much easier for me to put down what I think on paper than to say it out loud. And because of that, I don't always express my thoughts correctly, and sometimes end up hurting the people I love. So I want to tell everyone who is here today: if you care about someone, if you love someone, please don't ever leave it unsaid."

He is now staring straight into the camera, straight into Hikari's eyes.

"I've always wanted to say this, but I never said it in the right way, and until I do I will never stop trying. You are and will always be the light of my life."

Long after the program has ended, long after both the baby and the Digimon have gone to sleep, Hikari sits in front of the television, very, very still.

_Him_

It is past midnight when Takeru arrives home. He tries to open the front door as quietly as he could, but he blinks in surprise when he sees that the kitchen is dimly lit and Hikari is curled up on a chair, arms wrapped about her knees. Her head jerks up when she hears his footsteps.

"Hikari," he says, surprised to see her still awake, since most of the time she is trying to catch up on lost sleep. He walks over to drape his coat over her sweater. "Is everything okay?"

She rubs her eyes and yawns. "You're back," she says, sitting up. "Have you eaten? Do you want anything?"

Even though Takeru already had dinner with Kumiko and some of her crew members, he nods. "Sure," he says. "Maybe we could have some tea."

Hikari nods and gets up, while Takeru takes a moment to change out of his suit. When he returns, she is already waiting with two steaming mugs of chamomile tea. As they each sip away, he could not help noticing that Hikari is extremely agitated. Her eyes keep flitting between him and the table, and whenever she's not holding her mug she is nervously twisting her hands.

He wonders whether his interview had anything to do with it. Indeed, his cell phone has been vibrating with messages from friends and family all night, and he hasn't yet had the courage to read any of them.

Takeru hadn't planned on such a public declaration. He was partly carried away by the moment, but more than that, it felt like the right thing to do. Now that the euphoria has worn off, he isn't sure. Perhaps he had been too forward, and he will once again drive Hikari away.

His worst fears seem confirmed when she says, "I watched your interview tonight." She takes a deep breath. "It was a very good interview."

He sets down the mug and swallows nervously. He isn't sure what to say other than _thank you_, which would be awkward, so he keeps quiet.

Fortunately, Hikari doesn't expect a response either. Her eyes fixed on a spot behind him, she says, "Takeru…I want to tell you something."

Takeru watches her warily. They are seated in the same place where Hikari told him that she is moving out. Is it happening again? Is Hikari about to tell him that she is once again leaving him, except this time she is also taking their son with her?

Remembering how much his silence cost him last time, he opens his mouth to protest, when he is quieted by the tension and determination on her face.

"I want to tell you a story," she says, "if that's okay."

He nods numbly. His mouth feels very dry.

"In high school," she says, "Yamato was going to put on one last concert before the Teenage Wolves disband, and he asked you to write a few songs for them. He asked all of us, actually, but only you came through." She smiles. "You took your job very seriously and wrote quite a few, and one of them never saw the light of day. I found it by chance and saved it all these years. Do you remember the song?"

Unfortunately, Takeru does. He has always known that the song he penned as a love struck teenager would one day come back to haunt him.

"You didn't exactly write the song for me," Hikari continues, eyes crinkling as she remembers. "More for Satoko, I would say, but I still thought it was exceedingly sweet."

She hums the chorus of _Focus_ while Takeru sits immobilized by embarrassment. He cannot believe that she still remembers the tune. _Who is the focus of your heart?_ Honestly, what was he _thinking_?

Hikari stops humming and turns serious. "But your interview got me thinking," she says. "There are many ways to tell someone that you love them, and a song is just one of many ways." She lowers her eyes and her voice is soft. "And I have been told the very thing in more ways than I deserve."

Takeru's breath catches. "Hikari –"

"I'm sorry," Hikari says. "I'm truly sorry. For putting everyone through this whole mess, but especially you. What you said the night we – we –" She gestures wildly as he, too, remembers the horrible words he has said to her, the words he wishes he could erase from existence. "Well, everything you said about me is true. I had all that I could have ever wanted – I had _you_ – but I had to throw everything away because I was so focused on convincing myself that I'm not happy."

"Hikari –"

"Let me finish," she says. "When I said that I never wanted to hurt you…I wanted to believe it, but subconsciously I knew that I was lying and I wanted to hurt you the way I thought you hurt me. I wanted to be able to hurt you because that means that you cared about me. And that's an incredibly selfish thing to do. Even when I saw that I was wrong, even when everyone else pointed out that I was wrong, I was too stubborn and proud to admit it."

By then she has gotten up to pace around the kitchen, her hand still clenched tightly around the mug.

"I can tell you that I'm sorry for the rest of my life, but I am already too late with my apologies and I can never make it up to you. Not after everything you've already done for me, for Kouki. And I want to tell you that I love you, that I never stopped and never could, but that's also very selfish of me to think that everything will be all right, to think that we can pretend as if nothing has ever happened. I don't expect anything back now, I can't, I don't deserve it, but if you – if you will give me another chance, give _us_ another chance –"

"Hikari," he says firmly, and this time she stops speaking and turns to face him. He closes the distance between them in a few strides so that he is trapping her against the wall. Then he gently lays his hand against her cheek. "Hikari, didn't you watch the interview at all? The light of my life – who did you think I was talking about?"

Her mouth is half open and her eyes are very wide. For once he can perfectly read her expression, an expression that says too clearly that she understands perfectly well what he is saying, except she is too scared to hope that she understands correctly. He reaches out and takes her hands, interlocking their fingers. As if from faraway, he hears the mug drop to the ground and shatter into pieces.

Hikari gives a start and glances down, but Takeru is now cupping her face to keep her in place. He starts to speak when he decides that they have spoken enough tonight.

So he pulls her against him and kisses her, threading his hands through her hair. In turn, she loops her arms tightly about him. He is briefly reminded of that night, except this time is different. There is none of the desperation, none of the perverse desire to hurt the other person. This time, it is all about rediscovery and forgiveness.

When they part, she buries her face in his shoulder and he feels her tears soaking through his T-shirt. He strokes her hair gently.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles.

"So am I."

They stay quietly in each other's embrace for a moment and Takeru could feel Hikari's steady heartbeat. His hands slip under her sweater as he bends his head to kiss her again. In turn, she puts her hands on his shoulders to draw him closer.

Just then, the baby starts crying. It is time for the nightly feeding. The two of them break apart and, after a startled silence, start laughing.

"Maybe Kouki's not ready for a new sibling just yet," Takeru remarks.

A yawn escapes Hikari and she glances at the clock, which reads two forty-three in the morning.

"It's also way past your bedtime," she says. He could see some of her old mischief dancing in her brown eyes. "There will be plenty of time later for family expansion."

She turns to head toward the bedroom. Takeru grins and, in two long strides, catches her in his arms before she reaches it, just so he could kiss her again.

"Sounds perfect," he says, releasing her only when the baby's wails become insistent. "I'll hold you to that."

_Her_

Early morning sun is filtering through the window. Hikari blinks her eyes blearily before she recalls the events of the previous night. Everything is so surreal – the interview, the declaration, the reconciliation – that she briefly wonders whether her imagination has run away from her.

Then she turns her head and realizes with much relief that she hasn't imagined anything, because Takeru is lying beside her, his arms wrapped about her and his cheek pressed against her shoulder. She notes with some relief that they are both fully-clothed. As much as she desires him, for now simply his embrace is enough.

The alarm clock beeps, as it always does, even though it is a Sunday. She has perhaps two hours before Kouki is awake, but there is so much to do. Hikari begins to sit up, contemplating starting her day.

As if sensing her intention to leave, Takeru's arms tighten about her and one of his legs wraps over hers. "Is Kouki awake?" he mumbles in a bleary voice.

"No, not yet," she whispers back. "Go back to sleep."

He opens his eyes. "I love you," he tells her solemnly.

"I love you too," says Hikari, who finds that she cannot say these words often enough for her liking.

"Then stay with me a while longer," he says, his eyes sliding shut again. "The world can wait."

Hikari smiles. It is hard to argue with his suggestion. She settles under the covers again and allows him to draw her closer, tucking her head under his chin. She shuts her eyes. All the things that she wants to get done for the day run through her mind – all the phone calls, explanations, and paperwork, on top of her usual Sunday schedule.

Then again, she has all the time in the world. The future stretches out bright and happy before her. There is Takeru, who is once more sound asleep, who is holding her and loving her without reservation. The road ahead of them will be long, for sure, but this time it will be pleasant.

She slips her arm around him and snuggles even closer. The world can wait.

* * *

_**To Be Concluded in the Epilogue**_


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Yuuto shifts his weight from one foot to another, and then back again, watching the minute hand slowly inch towards twelve with narrowed blue eyes.

"Yuuto, could you _please_ stop?" Tokomon complains from his perch on his head. "I'm getting seasick from all this bouncing."

"I'm sorry Tokomon, but Mom told me to remind Dad right on the dot," the boy explains. "She doesn't want Dad to be late again."

Tokomon giggles, ill temper immediately forgotten. "Yeah, that's true," he says thoughtfully, "your dad _is_ always late."

Yuuto sighs in agreement. Saturdays are always busy at home. In the morning, Mom has to drive Kouki to violin lessons at Auntie Yukiko's house and Dad has to work on the newest draft of his new book. In the afternoon, Yuuto has basketball practice, and Mom has to drive him because once Dad enters the "writing zone," it's hard to get him out. Add the annual reunion on top of that today, and Yuuto ends up with two stressed out parents.

He surveys the clock again and eyes the door to his father's study. If he weren't afraid of being rude, he would go there _now_ and tell Dad to get ready. Otherwise…he shakes his head and sighs.

Yuuto has two secret fears, although he's only ever confided them to Tokomon. The first is maybe a bit irrational: he worries that Mom prefers Kouki to him. After all, Kouki looks so much like Mom, has a Plotmon, and gets to inherit Mom's old whistle. Then again, Mom has never given him any reason to think that that's true. Besides, one could argue that because he looks like Dad, he's Dad's favorite, and he knows that to be untrue.

Even more, however, he worries that Mom and Dad will get divorced. He knows, though he can't remember from where, that Mom and Dad were divorced at one point, although they got married again when he and Kouki were young. Grandpa Hiroaki and Grandma Natsuko are divorced. The mere word sends chills down his spine. If it has happened before, couldn't it happen again? He loves both his parents equally and couldn't bear the thought that he could only live with one of them.

Thus he was worried this morning when he heard Mom and Dad arguing in the bedroom. He knows that parents argue – bossy Momoko says so, anyway – but he gets nervous whenever he hears Mom and Dad raise their voices at each other.

"All I'm saying," Mom said, as she came out of the bedroom, "is that you need to think about it. If we miss our chance this time, we might not get another one. It's a very good deal, plus the school district is great."

"Listen, I know what you're saying," Dad said, as he followed her out. "_I'm_ just saying that we need a little more time to think before we invest in something as big as a house."

"That's what you said last time," she said, "and by the time we got our act together, it was too late."

"We're not in any hurry to get a house, are we?" said Dad. "We've lived in this apartment for over ten years and it's been fine."

"It's fine now," Mom corrected him. "Once the boys get older, they're going to want their own rooms. They're already getting too big…"

She sighed and stopped herself from saying more when she noticed the two boys staring at them from the breakfast table. Yuuto noticed her and Dad exchange a look; his parents have always seemed to be able to communicate without words. Then she was smiling as she greeted each son by tousling his hair. Yuuto leaned into her touch; Mom exudes a comforting aura, even when she's unhappy.

"Kouki, are we ready to go?" She glanced at her watch. "We are going to be late!"

"I'll just go get my stuff," Kouki said.

While his older brother headed back into the bedroom and Dad headed back into the study, Yuuto caught Mom and Tailmon by the front door.

"Mom, you and Dad aren't mad at each other right?" he asked anxiously.

"Of course not," Mom assured him, stroking his messy blonde hair. "I'll see you in two hours in the Digital World, okay?"

"You're not coming back before then?"

Mom glanced at her watch. "We're already a bit late, so I think we'll just have to use the gate at Uncle Koushiro's after Auntie Yukiko's lesson," she said. She dropped a quick kiss on his head as Kouki rejoined them, violin case and Plotmon in tow. "Make sure Dad doesn't show up late again."

Despite Mom's words, Yuuto is not reassured. Parents – even one as nice as Mom – don't always tell the truth. For example, Mom has always insisted that Santa Claus is real, until he and Kouki caught Dad putting presents under the tree last Christmas.

The minute hand finally lands on twelve. Dad is still on the computer when Yuuto dashes into the room. "Come on Dad," he says. "We're going to be late!"

"What's the hurry?" Dad asks, as he pulls up the Digital Gate.

"_Mom_ is waiting," Yuuto says pointedly. "She will be _angry_ if we're late.

Dad only laughs. "Don't worry," he says with a smile, reaching over to pat Yuuto on the shoulder before fishing out his Digivice. "We won't be the last ones there."

The Digital World appears in a whirl of colorful light. Yuuto could see the sea of uncles, aunties, and cousins already waiting there. Although he catches a glimpse of Mom and Kouki, standing by Uncle Koushiro, they only wave while Uncle Taichi and Yuuki greet him and Dad. Even though Yuuto normally adores Uncle Taichi, who has just about the coolest job in the world, he wishes that he isn't so talkative and keeping Dad away from Mom. Before Yuuto could do anything, Uncle Daisuke and Ogano arrive, prompting another wave of greetings.

He crosses his arms over his chest and sighs audibly. Dad notices and misinterprets.

"See?" he says, nudging Yuuto on the shoulder. "We're not the last ones."

Yuuto rolls his eyes and does not respond. It does not escape his notice that Mom and Dad have not made eye contact once, or said anything to each other, and that Dad does not go over to stand beside Mom, instead opting for a spot on the side.

Now that everyone here, Ogano, who has self-appointed him the leader despite not being the oldest, leads the children on a run across the meadow. Yuuto joins, though halfheartedly. Usually, reunion is a good opportunity for him to play with all the cousins and their Digimon in the Digital World. Often they would even find wild Digimon who are eager to join in the fun. Today, however, he has a plan hatching in his mind.

He glances at Kouki, who seems completely oblivious to his younger brother's inner turmoil. While Ogano and Momoko start arguing over whether to play hide-and-seek or tag, an argument they seem to revisit every time, Yuuto discreetly edges away and starts to head back to the clearing where the parents are gathered.

"What are you doing?" Tokomon asks. "Don't you want to play with the others?"

"I just want to say bye to Mom and Dad first," Yuuto says.

The clearing comes into view. All the parents, having seen the children off, have begun turning around to walk in the other direction and converse among themselves. Yuuto's sharp eyes quickly pick out Mom in her pink sweater. She is among the last to follow the crowd, arms wrapped about herself and looking thoughtful. His attention then turns to Dad, who is lingering on the side, glancing at Mom.

A smile slowly creeps up Yuuto's face as he watches Dad find his way to Mom's side, slips an arm around her waist, and kisses the top of her head. Mom looks up at him and smiles. Then she lays her head on his shoulder and Yuuto notices Dad murmur something in her ear, which is rewarded by a quick kiss.

Generally he would be grossed out by his parents' display of affection – who wouldn't be? – but now he feels a warm, sweeping relief. Mom and Dad still love each other.

Almost as if she knows he is there, Mom turns around and gives him a small wave. Maybe even a wink, though it's hard to tell from a distance. He grins.

"Yuuto, what are you looking at?" It is Kouki, who has noticed that he is missing. His older brother comes over and curiously follows his line of vision. Once he realizes what Yuuto is looking at, he makes a face. "Are you spying on Mom and Dad?"

Yuuto's grin grows wider. "Come on, let's go catch up with the others," he says, making sure to wave back at Mom before he and Kouki turns back to join their friends.

_**Fin**_

* * *

_Thank you everyone for following and supporting Perhaps Love. In this story I took an optimistic view of the epilogue – Takeru and Hikari are actually together 25 years later, there just happens to be a reason that they are not standing together. Of course it took seven chapters and an epilogue to get there, plus countless versions of the story over the course of at least five years._

_The epilogue is probably not what you expected; it ties my story into the canon epilogue, but it jumps quite far into the future and doesn't go into the aftermath of Takeru and Hikari's reconciliation. I made this choice because I prefer leaving happy endings open to interpretation._

_In case you are wondering why it took me 30,000 words to get to this point, here's some background so you could get a sense of the story's evolution, and why I made the choices I did._

Background (completely optional reading):

Originally, the idea was that they did get married at one point, but are divorced by the time of the canon epilogue. That brings the question of why they got divorced. I considered the possibility that maybe either Takeru or Hikari had what the other considered to be an affair, or simply fell out of love, but decided that either would be too simplistic. So I decided to make the divorce be organic and stem from their own personalities, in fact adopting popular anti-Takari arguments (which I had the pleasure of deconstructing as the story went on).

Once I decided that the divorce is due to endogenous factors, it no longer make sense for them to divorce _after_ having two kids together, especially in Takeru's case since his parents did the exact same thing. So they must've divorced early on in their marriage, after the honeymoon period and before they were mature enough to talk through their problems. If that were the case though, that also means that they either got back together, or remarried someone else, because they had kids by the time of the epilogue.

Being biased, I decided that over the course of the story they would understand each other enough to get back together. So the version of _Perhaps Love_ that you see here is written around three key scenes that came very clearly to me: the scene in chapter 3 when Takeru told Hikari that he hated her, the scene in chapter 5 when Takeru comforted Hikari in the park, and the scene in chapter 7 when Takeru told Hikari he loved her during the television interview. I also added Takeru writing his first novel as a parallel plotline, both to show his character evolution (which I'm not so sure I did that well) and to drive the romance plot along.

I am sure that I didn't necessarily make the most popular choices, or even the right choices, when it comes to plot and characterization. For example I was worried about the reaction to chapter 3 and 4, since I didn't want the story to be perceived as melodramatic. The roundabout way of getting to the epilogue is probably also unnecessary given the current version is quite different from my original vision; if they are simply not standing together because they had a fight early in the day, why does it take seven chapters to set it up? To that I can only say...I hope that you enjoyed the more scenic route to the end!

So I am very thankful for your readership, especially if you are still reading this block of text, and hope that you will have time to leave one last feedback.

_SL_


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